TeenHelp - Grieving the lost of a foreclosed home

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Grieving the lost of a foreclosed home

I'm not sure if this is the best place to put this post, but figured grieving a loss of anything can have similar feelings.

Last April my parents and brother had to move out of my childhood home because they house went under foreclosure. We had known about this for quite some time so loosing the house didn't come as a surprise, but it definitely shook everyone. I unfortunately was at college when the official moved happen and therefore wasn't able to pack up my things and wasn't able to say my proper goodbyes to the house. While I knew not having closure with this would be hard, but today for some reason it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

My family unfortunately wasn't able to find a place of their own in time and is now living with my grandmother in her house. This place was certainly not meant for this amount of people that live here now and my family is confined to a basement with no full walls or doors for privacy. I lived with them for three months over the summer and am now back for Christmas break, but for some reason now is finally when my body is attempting to process the loss and I really don't know what to do. All the websites I looked on to help with this sort of thing only gave advice for when you are still in the home, but I am obviously unable to visit the physical house to make my peace with it.

About a month ago I was sent pictures of the house and the renovations done made it almost completely unrecognizable, and I thought seeing that was me making my peace with the house. I have also driven by it and seen the new cars and new people outside of it and I also thought seeing that helped me process the loss. But being in my grandmas house for the holidays has been more difficult than I could have predicted and I don't know what to do to help grieve the loss, especially the uncontrolled loss.

If anyone has been in any similar situation or has any advice to give I would greatly appreciate it :)

Re: Grieving the lost of a foreclosed home

Hi there! First of all, I want to say I am so sorry you haven't gotten any response to this. I can tell how upset you are by the loss of your childhood home, and how much harder it was made because you barely had any time to process it and were unable to collect any of your belongings. This would be upsetting to just about anyone, so I really do sympathize with you!

I want to share my story with you. I never lost a home due to foreclosure, but I had a childhood home that I was very much attached to when my parents decided to sell it. Even though my sister and I were grown adults — my sister had moved out a few years earlier and I was still living at home — my parents were ready to cut ties with the house, and move closer to the beach.

I thought occasional drive-by's of the area would be helpful when we visited for family obligations; but as it turns out, it was not helpful at all. It gave me the same feelings you are right now. I was angry and sad. I would think about all the time I spent in different rooms, and how other people — people I barely knew — were using the very spaces I grew up in!

What helped was setting boundaries; and this works in any scenario, not just trying to move on from a beloved home. It's great you have the pictures and your memories will never fade, but it's important to know that's a part of your past now. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. You have university, you probably have friends. The point is, there are other things in the present that are more worth your time.

If you want, you can talk to your family about it or a bereavement counselor. If neither sounds like a great idea to you, then perhaps one of your friends from university or from the neighborhood you grew up in, if you're still in contact with them?

I really don't have any better advice to give and I wish I did. I know it's been a few months, but I hope you see this.

:hug: