TeenHelp - Starting Sixth Form(college) and I'm gay.. Dilemma!

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Starting Sixth Form(college) and I'm gay.. Dilemma!

I'm in such a dilemma and I'm aware I'll probably come across as a bit of a tit in this post and I feel like one.

Basically, last December I came out at school as gay. Everyone was fine and accepting, even my lad friends. However, I've been closer to girls and have no close friends that are guys. This bugs me, because I'm sure its not because of the way I act. I like football, I'm far from camp, etc.

There is this one girl who I am really, really close to. We Skype all the time and we are best friends. She is also joining the same sixth form as me. However the past couple of months I feel like I want to distance myself from her. There is no doubting she has been there for me and really supportive, but she honestly does my head in at times. She is too politically correct, you cannot say anything she doesn't agree with it etc. - I said at Christmas that ''men are pretty crap at rapping presents :bleh:'' and she caused a big argument saying I'm being sexist towards Woman, saying that I basically mean that they should do it.

I feel like I need to distance myself from her. I think part of the reason I'm not close to many lads is because people see me and her as a duo and she relies on me too much, therefore others are scared to come close to me as they know how close me and her are (supposedly) - But I don't know what to do when I start Sixth form, I can't just stop talking to her. But I don't want to be known as a duo with her and having her relying on me for 2 years.

I really want to make some guy friends, I enjoy typical lad sports, I like playing my Xbox, I enjoy going out drinking and I miss things like this. I'm constantly tied up with this girl and hardly get out ever since me and her have got close.

My questions are basically, how do I go about telling people I'm gay when I start sixth form? I've already ''came out'' at one go and I really don't want it to be an issue when I start. - Should I tell people at first when I talk to them or leave it a few weeks? But then it may become increasingly harder to tell people. I just fear that lads may not want to become close to me as I'm gay, and how do I go about distancing myself from this girl? Am I right too?

I'm just sick of how I feel. I feel like I have no friends because of her. I just want to fit in lads and I feel due to my sexuality and this girl Its going to be hard. :(

Re: Starting Sixth Form(college) and I'm gay.. Dilemma!

Hey there,

As far as this girl, you'll have to think of what is best for you. Maybe you can make a list of the pros and cons of staying friends with her. For instance, if you think that her political correctness would be too much for you to handle, that can go on the cons side. But, any good qualities she may have as well, put that on the pros. In other words, write down anything that would be a benefit of staying friends with her and anything that would be a drawback and see what outweighs the other. Nobody can force you to stay friends with her after all, but if you do decide to end the friendship, at least be polite about it rather than suddenly dropping off the face of the Earth. Whether it's "right" to or not would depend on the individual person's opinions.

Maybe one thing you can do to make more friends who are guys, or friends in general, are join some clubs either in sixth form or around town. Join things you are interested in, such as a sports team or something to do with gaming (or anything else you're interested in). There you can meet other people with common interests to you which can be a great way to start up a conversation and get to know people, who you can build up a friendship with. Maybe if you have breaks between classes or free time you can also approach people and strike up a conversation.

In my opinion, if you were to introduce yourself to me and basically stick your sexuality in immediately, it's not that I would mind since I am accepting of LGBT+ people, but it's one of those things that not a lot of people stick in their initial conversations. It may seem a bit off if you were to say something like "Hi, I'm Jack, and I'm gay." Let them get to know you a little bit for who you really are, and then you can tell them your sexuality when you know them better. Not everyone needs to know your sexuality after all, and if they're going to have a problem with you just because you're gay, maybe they're not someone you should be friends with anyway, whether you tell them up-front or later on. It's not like you're trying to date them after all, just make friends. There will be people out there who will be accepting of you no matter what and who will realize sexuality shouldn't be a barrier.

When you do come out to a person, just be honest with them. I don't know how you came out in your school, but maybe you could do something similar but on a smaller scale, just telling the person anything you feel they should know.

Best of luck!

-Dez