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I don\'t know what happened to you, but you didn\'t have to change yourself to be one of them. Please, come back to the person you used to be.

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U r a mother f***ing b**** u a** hole go and f*** ur self u dam b**** no one likes ur f***ing fat a** b**** go away no u a**

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I appreciate that you listened and didn\'t get mad when I told you what was triggering me about our friendship. But now I\'m worried that you didn\'t fully take it in, because a few hours later, you showed me a TV show about a girl with an eating disorder. Just because you don\'t understand how that triggers me doesn\'t mean it isn\'t real.

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You might hate me but I had always stuck to the truth while she didn\'t. Do you know she lied to you? To everyone? And you didn\'t even notice? I was just trying to protect you. I know I should have gone about it differently. I shouldn\'t have even bothered to get involved. Shouldn\'t have tried to intervene. I should never have returned. Come to think of it, I should never have left. It was my fault. I said I\'m sorry. I can\'t do any better than that. Sorry for trying to help.

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I\'m sorry.
I already said this to you, but I don\'t think you understand.
I\'m sorry I\'m a terrible person.

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If you keep saying to me, "I\'m here if you want to talk about it" one more time I\'m gonna strangulate you. If I wanted to talk about it I\'d have done so. The fact that I chose not to should say a lot. -_-

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I love you, I think. But I\'m afraid I\'ll find someone better and hurt you. Please, please don\'t go into the military. I love you. Why can\'t I just tell you? :confused2:

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I love you always, but I only "like" you sometimes. How crazy is that?

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Dear Tina,
You are a friggin B. I hate you and your lying guts, and I hate your dad for what he did to us. I lost all my friends and you just had to go and flippin rub it in my face and spread LIES. Now you decide to hookup with one of my friends, dump him, move on to another one of my friends, and string along another boy while you\'re at it. Plus you\'re trying to set up my friggin best friend with one of your hussy friends. Break Jos heart and I\'ll snap your arm. And stay the hell away from James while you\'re at it!! You may have Jo fooled, and you\'re lucky that I don\'t have enough meanness in me to tell him hat a snake you are, but you don\'t fool me with your new found niceness. People don\'t change that fast. Then you have the gall to post all those flippin Holy Roller Bible Thumpin perfect pastors daughter quotes an Bible verses on facebook! Like hell you\'re living any one of those verses.
Leave my friends alone. Keep messing with them and it won\'t be pretty.
Sincerely,
Your favorite F\'ing B****y "witch"
XOXO

P.S. I hope some boy breaks whatever small amount of heart you have ice witch.

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I\'ve been wanting to tell you for a while now that things between us aren\'t really going well. All the problems between us this year haven\'t helped. I\'ve really struggled, you know? I tried to be there for you even though I\'ve been seriously ill. I\'ve tried to tell you that I\'m not very well and that at the time of college I had a lot of revision and work to do, a lot of it. You just ignored everything I said all because you wanted Me to be there for You but where have You been for Me? I tried and I tried. I get that you were lonely but you know, ignoring me for 3 whole months isn\'t going to make things better is it? No matter how tired I was, I kept repeating and repeating to you over and over until I was blue in the face but still you ignored me. I kept my cool. I was never angry. I just repeated and repeated myself like a broken record. Surely 3 months of repeating each week would have been sufficient? Why did it take that long for you to understand my situation anyway? You can\'t imagine how lonely that made me feel. You were never there for me because you were too busy wanting me to be there for you. I\'ve been here for you. The whole time you were away at work and you left me all on my own and I had to wait for you. Now as soon as it\'s the other way around you can\'t deal with it. That\'s very unfair and it\'s also very selfish.

You don\'t realise in doing all of that this year I\'ve shut off from you. It\'s what happens when I feel so hurt and threatened inside, like I\'m under a barrage of attack. It\'s automatic. I can\'t just undo it either. These things take time. I just wish you\'d listened to me a little more. Understood me a little more. I shouldn\'t have had to have taken 3 months for you to get it wedged into your mind how my situation is.

My feelings for you aren\'t the same as they once were. You hurt me. I\'m grateful for all that you brought me, but it\'s time to move on. This talk of us \'getting married in the future\' or \'having children\', it\'s far too soon and it\'s not for me. You\'re, not for me. Biggest issue of all is well, you\'re not female. There\'s a huge barrier here. I\'m sorry but it\'s time for us to part ways.

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If anyone is looking for advice I am here to help

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I spent 2-3 hours writing 11 sides of a letter asking for your help and trying te help you understand me better. Then you write to me something completely unneeded and misunderstood all because you read a name. I\'m aware of what and who they are but you misunderstand the concept of what I was trying to say and then to say if I ever turned that way you\'d knock me around the room. Our mother-daughter relationship is already suffering and you want to lay that on me? You asked me how I felt. Here is how I feel. I feel that no matter what I do for you will ever be good enough. I try and tell you how I feel but it gets misunderstood and you say things like that to me and you hide your words of anger behind little x\'s and smiley faces. I might not be the best daughter in the world and my ability to express myself is awful but at least I try to remain aware of sensitvity. What you wrote to me was insensitive, hurtful and heartbreaking. I won\'t want a mother that treats me as if we were in a military bootcamp, I want a mother who isn\'t aggressive and angry, who doesn\'t hold onto the past and can\'t move forward, who doesn\'t take it out on me and certainly is a lot more sensitive and tactful but most of all, understanding. You once asked me why I prefer to talk to a counsellor than you. Well that\'s why. I realise now mum, that I will never be able to talk to you properly because I will never be able to get the type of mum I could hope for. The type of mum who is gentle and doesn\'t walk off and abandon me when she feels like it. The type of mum who sits and listens to me and doesn\'t walk off. The type of mum that understands that I cannot talk under the effects of a severe depressive mood. The type of mum that wouldn\'t keep trying to force me to speak and then get angry at me when I don\'t. I spent a lot of time blaming nan for a lot of the ways that I am and I now realise how unfair I\'ve been. Sure she was horrible and hurtful but you are the one that hurts me the most. This family is like a bag of magnets. I feel like me and you, we\'re both the N faces facing each other. We\'re never going to get along unless one of us makes a full change around. I\'m doing my best to change here. Asking to return to counselling to prevent a relapse. Asking for your help. Emailing an anonymous online helpline because I fear relapse so bad at the moment. I\'m too tired of all of this anymore. Too tired of all these problems between us. I\'m trying hard to change. On and by the way, I even got an appointment with the doctor for next Wednesday. If I told you, you\'d probably start saying how whatever I say will go down on my medical file and so on. Or try and stop me going. Sorry I never told you sooner. I much preferred you didn\'t poke fun at me for being independent.

I should have listened when the friends I had, told me to see a doctor. But no, I listened to my family above my friends. Did what I thought was right. I should have listened to them but now they\'re gone too. Doesn\'t matter anymore, does it? No matter how hard I try to get better you\'ll only shoot me down. No more getting influenced. I will do what I want to do. I will go to this doctor and I will get better. This is not up for discussion. That is how it is and that is how it will be.

Wow that was long.

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It\'s been a long time, can\'t w let the past be the past and patch things up? It hurts the way things are now. I wish you could see that I\'ve changed, that I am changing and granted I still struggle at times I am trying my f-ing best. I\'m not perfect, it\'s impossible for me to be "perfect" wish you could understand that.

I\'m sorry I distance myself for a while, I just needed time to find myself, although I\'ve come to realize I can\'t do that alone. Wish I could turn back time and fix things before they were too late. I\'m sorry...

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Leave my head already, I want this to be over. I don\'t know what to do with you anymore. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to blame someone but most of all you. But I know I can\'t because as much as I don\'t want to admit it, we have reached the end. I know that, but it still really hurts. This was mutual, more on your side than mine but I knew it wasn\'t going to last. I miss you but at the same time I want to punch you in the face. But I guess this is karma working it\'s magic since I broke your heart five years ago. I guess it\'s only fair if mine gets broken too.

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