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Your the one for me.

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I hope to meet you again - I really enjoyed our time together
( this is to more than one person ;) )

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For some reason I want you to talk to me again. You're the first guy I fell head over heels for. I dunno how to get talking again. I don't even know why I want to.

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I loved you for a year and 9 days. I know sad right, I actually countedthe days? You never knew about it. I used to think that you actualy cared about me. Then you got a girlfriend, and everything changed.
You've started ignoring me. I told you all of that about myself and it seems as though our friendship is all a lie. You even held my hand once when I started crying that time. When I told you I self harmed you just hugged me. I was so greatful that you didn't judge or tell anyone. But now everythings changed. I don't even get a smile when I walk past you. I wish I could go back and say those three simple words because it's not true anymore. I wish it was. But I don't love you anymore.

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I know you hate the idea of having to come back here, and I don't blame you for it.
But I will be estatic when you get back!
I MISS YOU

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I know what you're doing. Stop messing with his head.

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You, are probably the only reason I smile anymore, I think I'm falling for you <3

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I knew you were interested in me. I wanted to gather the courage to talk more to you but boys scare me. I wish you hadn't gone and gotten a girlfriend because it really does make things harder. I would have loved to try and befriend you and if it had led to more I would have been happy and if not I really would have liked making a straight friend. Now that you have a girlfriend I can't even pretend to notice you because I don't want anyone to think that I am a SLUT who tries to take other girls guys. And, of course, you go out of your way to not acknowledge me.

I really did want to get to know you but I was scared. I wish you would have taken a leap and tried reaching out more. You seemed really nice and you seemed like someone I could easily get alone with.

Sorry to say I ruined it and so did you. I kind of wish things could have been different...I wish I could have been more confident and courageous...


I don't like you and I can't wait for my dad to realize how much you keep him down. You condone my dads co dependency and it does not good for him. You are allowing him to keep himself down. I know my dad could have such a full life but you prevent him from realizing that. I hate you for that.

I know that you want control too. I know that is why you make the little comments you make. I hope one day my dad will realize what he is doing.

Lastly, you scare the shit out of me. I worry that my dad is never going to pull away from you and completely and totally ruin his life. He already gave so much of his life up because of fear and his need for codependency. I don't want him to do it again. He was figuring things out(although he is a SLOW learner) until you came alone. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AWAY? You say you care about my dad but why don't you see how bad you are for him right now?

Dad, I hope you are happy. We don't have a relationship anymore. I know you don't see it and that hurts most. Once again I feel invisible and unimportant. You don't even call me that much any more. You don't ever make time for just me. Funny thing is it is starting not to bother me all that much because I AM GROWING and you are not. When I have grown completely and changed in all the ways I need to I will look back and see you floating along. You won't change and I will and I know that is why we have been distanced. I want to change, I am not afraid of change and growth but you are. So I guess this is good bye.

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You used to be the only one who made me feel whole,
now I don't anymore and I'm not sure why.
Is it my fault or yours?

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You know... you hate the world, and I hate the world, so maybe if we hated it together everything would be okay?
You're the only person I've ever met who I believe understands. I have no idea if you want anything to do with me, but out of everyone in the world, I think I'd be better off with you.

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i have many, i just need to get them out of my system
1. dear brother, i miss you so much.. more than you know. i wish you would leave her. she's no good for you and your family loves you, she changes you... don't forget about me ):

2. dear boy, everytime i think of you i get the biggest smile. i can picture exactly how things would be if we just took a chance at this, maybe it's not meant to be, but we'll never know until we try! i am so crazy about you... i wish you could just tell me!

3. dear not-stepmom, please pack your shit and get the hell out of my dad's house before i kill you. you ruined EVERYTHING. somehow, things with my mom and i worked out great, but things have only gotten worse with my dad, especially since you moved in. you know, he actually used to care about his kids, and i used to like you, but things don't always work out the way you wish they would. since you moved in, it was like he was performing open heart surgery to sign the student loan for my brothers college education, and you became this insensitive bitch who doesn't care about anything that doesnt directly benefit YOU. you think you're this awesome person because you've traveled here or there. yeah, you have your cool moments. i dont like hating people, but i hate you because you ruined any chance i had at a good relationship with my own fucking dad, so thanks a lot. please just leave! i want my dad back, not this asshole you've made him into...

4. dear ex 1, i wish i could say i don't remember anything, but i remember everything. i gave you everything and you snatched it up as quick as you could and ran away with it. thinking in retrospect, our relationship was something i was sort of put into and then i fell in love with you, and i did love you with every part of me. i don't know if i'll ever know for sure if you loved me or not, or if you just loved what i represented, or loved what you could get from me. you ripped my heart straight out of my chest. you were everything to me. but to be honest, i'm glad you did it. if you hadn't i wouldn't have grown up. i would have stayed that same fantasy-driven child i was when we met, i wouldnt have had all these amazing experiences. i do miss you though, i miss the conversations we had, the way i could tell you anything. oh, also, if i ever find ANYTHING about me on the internet from you, (you know exactly what i'm talking about) i will personally castrate you, just so you know, please dont, i did that because i loved you and i trusted you, and now i wish i hadn't, but i can't take it back now. i know someday you're gonna make an amazing father.

5. dear ex 2, ohhh you. i can't forget you. you were the one that was supposed to make everything better, the one that promised me you would never do what he did, you promised me a great man. you are such a bitch. you don't even deserve a masculine name, you just deserve bitch. you are a compulsive liar and its really annoying, you think you're soo cool because you can play the guitar and you have nice hair, but you're just an asshole. you're arrogant, self-righteous, and you don't even know who you are. i know you think i didn't notice it all year, but i saw everytime you were looking at me, sometimes in wonder and sometimes in disgust, but what happened was ALL your fault. i said sorry, yeah, because i am sorry for my part of it, but you apologized after everything was all said and done, you promised that things would be better between us and then you're too good to be near me? and your girlfriend, don't even get me started on her. she seemed like a nice girl, until your sister told me she hated me because i had sex with you first, which, might i add, i regret with my whole being because a) it hurt like hell, b) you couldn't go more than 4.5 minutes without blowing your load, and c) thats all you wanted anyways! i dont think you know how much i wish i hadn't dated you, i could still have this nice image of "cute, sweet boy", not "compulsive liar, bad at sex, dickwad, immature, arrogant PRICK boy" I wish i could say i did love you, i thought i did, but i know i didn't. i loved the way you treated me in comparison to ex 1, but it was all a huge act, and i have to wonder when you started acting. UGH, i forgive you, i just wish you could stand up and be a man about it for once and sincerely be sorry for everything you did, and own up to it.

wow, that felt great (:

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I love you. Unconditionally. You're so beautiful and perfect to me, even with flaws. All I've dreamed about for a year is getting to be with you, and now that dream is slipping away. I fear that the distance this year may ruin any chances that I had with you before. I don't even know if you feel the same way. It would make me so happy if you did. I just want some sign - some indication of how you feel. I'm too afraid to tell you, which is stupid, I know. But regardless of how you feel about me and whether we'll remain friends and nothing more, I'll still always love you in the most pure and innocent way. You're more than just a crush. You're more than the girl I like. You're the best friend I've ever had. And having that is a greater honour and pleasure to me than anything else, and all I want is for YOU to be happy. So if all you want is friendship, then that's all I'll ever need from you.

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i dont know how you feel about me but i think i love you. i just want you to hold me in your arms and keep my safe forever <3 <3 <3 :hug:

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Stop being such a hypocrite and so obnoxiously rude!
If you really wish we didn't exist, stop concerning yourself with us >.>

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get over yourself.

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I woke up saying your name this morning. I'd give anything to wake up next to you.

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I wish you didn't have to go back to Texas Dad :'(

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i miss you like crazy, ive cried nearly everynight daddy. i know ill see you again soon. you actually a really cool dad. :hug:

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mum- i cut. ive been suicidal for the last year, you know that time i was spewing up everywhere? i said it was a tummy bug, it wasnt. i had tried to OD. im so sorry mum. i love you more then anything in the world, your the most presious thing to me. but sometimes i just dont know how too live life that makes you happy aswell as me. im sorry if i hurt you, i never ment to. love you forever mum. :hug:

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tyler. why did u do it? why did u cheat? you could of had all of me, but u cheated. and for that i wont forgive you, but i wont hate you forever either. all i want to say is, i hope she was worth it. cos u tore my heart into pieces with that. its only just mending now (8months later).

to you: yes you! you know who you are! why did u hitt me? was it my fault? what did i do to make you do that to me? did you really want to kill me? did u want to make me dead scared of you? i love you, your my big brother. you can be the nicest guy, standing up for me one minute, the next ur beating me, knocking all hope out of me of things getting better. i hope you gett better scotty, i hope you wont feel the need to beat people someday. but for now let it be me not someone else. but ill forgive you everytime. <3

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TO MOM
I told you about the suicide letter only two nights ago...and you said you would try to get me help. Not only did you say it, but you promised it...not that promises mean anything to me now. I'm not stupid, I know that both you and dad have broken so many promises that you've made to me in the past...and I know that you two will brake many others in the future as long as I keep trusting you.
That's why I didn't believe you when you said you would try to find help for me.
Just how the hell are you going to find help anyway? We have no car. No phone. Counseling is miles and miles away. Not that I would ever go back to counseling, but I know you would try to talk me into it. But...I do need all the help I can get. I'm a wreck here...I don't think you see that. I don't think you quite understand what this is like for me, having to live with you and dad when you two are drunk and fighting, when the whole house, including my room, reeks with the stench of beer and weed. I can barely breathe when things like this happen. I feel like I might die under the massive amout of pain that is weighing me down, crushing me more and more as each day slowly passes by...
I wish I could just be happy. I know that I would be much less of a bitch toward you and dad that way.
But I can't do that if I have to lock myself up all the time because you two decide to drink and smoke pot without thinking twice about how it could hurt me, your daughter.
I wish you'd both hear me out.

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not knowing if you love me, or if im ever going to see you is killing me. your an awesome guy, you make me laugh when i want to cry, and slap me in the face when i need it. thank you, i think i love you

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