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I'm 13 gay and lonely
Hey I don't know how to post on these sites because I don't do it often but I just feel like it would help if I did so here I go
I'm 13 almost 14 and semi out of the closet ( lets just say I'm in the hamper ) as I've come out to my good friends and my mom although I'm not sure if my dad knows or not but if feel like I can't ever tell anyone how I actually feel I'm a generally shy and socially awkward person who hides their emotions behind constant sarcasm jokes and bad puns and when I say lonely I don't mean I have no friends I have a good few and many just mutual friendships but I always feel kind of disconnected and want someone I can talk to and relate to without worry. And sometimes I feel like one day everyone I know will pop out and say everything was a lie ( even though that's unrealistic ) I still feel like that would happen. I mean I live in a middle class area and go to a normal school but always feel alone and as if I can't talk to anyone ever. Especially after one of the people I thought were my friend would always threaten or say loudly in class "zacs gay!" So I feel like I can't trust people Well I'm going to end it here because I'm probably dragging on about the same damn things over and over again maybe I'll add more who knows but I'd love to hear if people can actually relate to this etc. |
Re: I'm 13 gay and lonely
Hey there, I can understand what you're feeling.
I came out as bisexual to my parents about two years ago, and they said they didn't care. But then I found out that my dad doesn't believe that I'm bisexual, and that it's "just a phase". My mom doesn't think it's true either, and for the longest time, I was being harassed by my homophobic younger brother before he found out his sexuality as being bisexual as well. Anyways, I know the feeling of not being "lonely", but just wanting someone to connect to and relate to without worries or problems. And about what your friend said, that's not cool at all. I'm really sorry they said that; that's awful. My parents also use that word. They call me all sorts of names that are probably things I shouldn't post on this public forum, but you get the idea. And also, they use gay as a synonym for stupid. All the time. So your friend reminds me of my parents, in a way. But I think you should know that you can trust people. It might take time, but you just have to find the right people to be around. And even then, they will come to you in time; you just focus on being you, and eventually, things will work out. it sounds completely stupid and cheesy, but I promise you, that's the truth. But I can relate to you, and I'm really sorry you feel as if you have to hold back who you are because of your current situation. But I promise you that things will get better, and you'll find people, such as myself, that are in similar situations. You're not alone in this, is what my main point is~ |
Re: I'm 13 gay and lonely
Quote:
Enough about me. You said you have some close friends that you are out to? Since you are already out to them I think venting to them in complete honesty might make you feel better and even add a greater sense of trust to your relationship as friends. Also, don't feel like you have to be someone you're not, In social scenarios just be yourself and don't worry If it's been awhile since you've made a pun or you think you've made too many. Just go with the flow bro! |
Re: I'm 13 gay and lonely
I can relate quite a bit. Growing up I was bullied constantly and came out as gay when I was 15. The scars will last a lifetime, but I am finally able to look back and see how far I have come. Now my voice is not drowned out by the masses. I've overcome a lot, including mild autism which I once thought meant I would always be less than everyone else. But now I am the chief financial officer for a charity that helps people like myself and co founder of a new record label. My point is this: whatever your hardships in life, they are the wind against which you must learn to fly.
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Re: I'm 13 gay and lonely
Can I be honest with you?
As I read that, I felt like someone was describing me. The whole, hiding behind sarcasm, and almost paranoia that friends don't really like you etc etc. The difference is, I've been questioning myself for several years now, but while I've almost been flicking between sexualities (for want of a better way to express myself), I've never had the courage to come out to anyone. The fact that you have been comfortable enough to come out to even your closest friends, and moreover your mum, is genuinely fantastic. And as for the person who threatens to tell people, you should take them off to the side and quietly tell them its not funny. It might be meant to be taken as a joke? If not, I wouldn't worry. I know it may sound slightly hypocritical from my situation, but even if someone told everyone you know how you are feeling, the chances are very few people would really be all that bothered. Anyway, people that dislike you for your sexuality are people you don't want to talk to IMO. The only reason I have never told anyone how I feel is because I'm still trying to figure myself out, and I'm not ready to let other people know just yet. Please remember this though; do NOT bottle up your emotions. Speaking from personal experience, its bad for you. When you feel angry, well, be angry! If you are sad, don't wear a false smile. When you are scared, don't put a brave face on. Believe me, you won't feel better for it. As cliched as it sounds, the people that may mock you for your openness are most likely jealous; honest and open people are more likeable; people will in turn be more honest with you. Bottling up your emotions just makes you feel bad all the time. Even slightly bad dreams haunt me for the entire day. Having fun with people will remain in your thoughts for a few hours, but a negative experience consumes your mind for days. I don't mean to sound too dark, but I just want to explain why you should just let it all out. I physically can't even cry anymore, no matter how much I want to. But remember: you NEVER have to feel like you cant post on here. Teenhelp is an amazing website, and people are always willing to take the time to read, what you took the time to write. If you feel like adding more, then do! :P |
Re: I'm 13 gay and lonely
You'll be ok. Just focus on school and ignore the haters. Your sexuality is yours and it is what you make it, it's alright to be a closed door as long as you aren't hurting anybody and it's up to you on who you decide let in.
I suggest that you watch the movie "Beautiful Thing" you probably would get inspired by it. If you aren't from England or Australia you might not understand their accents at some points but I'm American and I understood what they said majority of the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJETqDXeNrA |
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