TeenHelp - am i ready?

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- Sex and Puberty (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f6-sex-puberty/)

- - am i ready? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f6-sex-puberty/t164129-am-i-ready/)

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]i feel like i’m behind a load of my friends in terms of how much they’ve done with other people. i know i should wait until i’m ready but i don’t wanna be inexperienced. i feel like everyone is getting a bfs/gfs and being sexually active and i’m just behind. what should i do?[/size][/color][/font]

Hi,

thanks for reaching out!
Sex is a topic that should be approached slowly and given much thought, as it has some consequences that can affect you for the rest of your life.
I am not only talking about an unwanted pregnancy (which, of course, is a real risk and before engaging in any sexual activities, all parties should educate themselves as best as possible on how to prevent it). I'm also talking about the influence that sexual activity can have on your physical and mental health.
By no means do I want to scare you or discourage from having sex whatsoever ;) It can be a wonderful thing, as well as a satisfying and fulfilling experience. I just believe that in order to fully enjoy it, you should do it because you want to experience something fantastic with another person (/people), not because of external pressure.
Forcing yourself to engage in sexual activity usually won't make you feel better or happier or more accepted. If anything, it's more likely to affect you negatively.

I want to highlight one more thing: I understand you have the feeling everybody around you has girlfriends/boyfriends and has sex. This is not true. Human brain often sees only chosen things, not the whole picture, and then proceeds to convince you that you are worse, you don't fit, others do this and that etc. However, ask yourself the question: how many people you know have a partner? How many people you know had sex? Now - how many people you know don't have a partner? How many people you know have never had sex? When you actually ask your brain these particular questions, it may turn out the second group is the majority among your acquaintances. Human brain loves generalities (everyone does that, I am always like this, all of this is... etc.). But if you ask it some particular questions (how many people actually do this? Can I list their names? How many can I list?...), you can often see the reality is different!

I might've gone a bit offtopic ;) But I hope you get my message, and perhaps my advice helps you a little. If you need some good sources on engaging in sexual activity safely, or if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

All the best!
Sue

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at TeenHelp!

Although it can definitely feel like it, there is no timeline for when you should have sex. Some people choose to have it earlier, others choose to wait until they're in a committed relationship, and some people opt to wait until marriage. It's all about when the timing feels right to YOU, not the rest of society. Sex can be an extremely intimate, vulnerable experience so making sure that you're ready and having sex for the right reasons is crucial to making the experience more enjoyable overall. Don't let what others are doing influence that decision for you.

When you do decide you're ready to have sex, please make sure to educate yourself on safe sex! Too often, young people assume that safe sex only includes taking precautions such as condoms or birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancy. I definitely remember having that belief when I was younger. However, there are so many ways to practice safe sex, regardless of your gender or sexuality. Doing a little bit of research based on that will give you some tips to ensure that you and your partner are able to have an amazing time without anything else to worry about.

I hope this helped some! Please feel free to reach out if you have any more questions.

Take care,
Sam

Hello, I think you're ready. You will surely found someone who loves you, and tac! Love is born. There's no need to push.