TeenHelp - Non-PG13: How do I get over my fear of sex, or whatever this mental block is

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How do I get over my fear of sex, or whatever this mental block is

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hey all. So I've been with my boyfriend officially since like November/December of last year. Things have been great, but there's been a few conversations about sex, and he's been really sweet, he's never tried to pressure me or anything, but I'm starting to feel bad because I still don't really feel ready. For context, I'm a virgin and he's not, and I do think that's part of it, and he knows it too, because sex can be scary, but it's literally to the point where whenever the conversation comes up, or he asks about it (again, not in a pressuring or guilting way) I literally tense up a bit. Hell, I even started tearing up last time not because I was upset, I just started feeling so emotional for some reason. He's admitted he's a very sexual person, and he's clearly said he wants to have sex with me, make me feel good, etc. when I'm ready. I'm just worried if I'll ever be ready, and I don't think that's fair to him, because there is a part of me that wants that and wants to make him feel good too- While some of it is definitely self consciousness on my end (about hygiene, smell, appearance, being raised religious even if I'm not anymore, etc.) and the virgin thing, part of me wonders if there's more too it? I'm just not sure- If it is just fear though, is there a way to like- work on that? Or help me with that? I don't think I'm asexual, the idea of sex itself doesn't really bother me, I've watched and read explicit things before, It's just for some reason when it's a real situation and the possibility of actually doing it comes up, I freeze. And I don't want to do that. I really love this guy, and I want him to be happy (and he would say that he's happy if I'm happy but I know he really would like to have sex with me, even though he's being incredibly patient and stuff). And I'm just not sure what to do[/size][/color][/font]

Re: How do I get over my fear of sex, or whatever this mental block is

Hey,

This is definitely a tough situation to be in.

I want to start out by saying that no matter what happens, don't force yourself to have sex with him if you don't feel ready. You don't want to regret having sex with him (or anyone) when you're not actually ready. Also, if you're ever in a situation where you're having sex and then change your mind, you are still able to say no and stop at any time.

Have you considered trying to start slow? I can't get graphic here but maybe you can start with making out, foreplay, or just touching without any penetrative sex. What I mean is that you don't have to go from zero to full on sex when you're still unsure.

I'd also remind yourself that things seem to be working well with your boyfriend, you're safe, and you trust him. You are not a bad person for wanting to have sex, it makes you human. Since hygiene/smell are a worry for you maybe you can also start by showering before you try having sex, but remember that unless there's something going on like an infection, vaginas still aren't meant to smell like roses. They smell like, well, vaginas, and I bet your vagina/vulva look fine too, again barring any diagnosed medical problems. Everyone looks a little unique, but there's likely nothing wrong with it.

I hope this helps a little!

Take care,
Dez