TeenHelp - Fiancee's Pregnant (2 months) and I'm scared...

There's something magical about seeing a baby on the ultrasound.

Here's the thing that people haven't really discussed. Men are rarely ever happy about being a dad until their baby is born. In some cases they want to be dad beforehand but when its a surprise they're kinda angry or indifferent. It takes actually seeing the kid for their instincts to kick in. A mother on the otherhand has her instincts kick in automatically.

Anyway, about the situation here. Here are the options.

1. You convince her to give it up (abortion or adoption) the result is that she'll never recover emotionally. A mother is automatically going to be more attached to their child, its just natural. If she's already bonding to it and now its taken away from her, she won't ever recover from that. Of course you don't want abortion so we don't have to worry about this unless she gives it up for adoption. I'm of the opinion that adoption isn't really a good solution either. Adopted children often develop psychological issues and you can't ever be completely sure of the adoptive parents even with all the checks (not saying thats always the case, or even the majority).

2. You run off. In this case she gets to keep the baby, she'll be hurt but she'll recover. The child however will be emotionally crippled because their father was never there. That creates a lot of emotional and psychological problems. Its not really fair to deal an awful blow to a child's life from the beginning because of something that you couldn't deal with in your life.

3. You stick around. One or two things can happen. Either you grow from this, and growth isn't always such a bad thing (just because you're an 'adult' doesn't mean that you're jaded and miserable), and you fall in love with this baby and get even closer to the mother. Or things don't go so well, you feel trapped and as a result end up causing problems and taking it out on your family.

So option three seems like the best option to me. 1 and 2 are bound to hurt your fiance and the child. Option 3 has a chance to hurt you, but also a chance for everyone to be happy. It has a lot to do with your perspective on the issue. I hope you make the right decision.