TeenHelp - Does being trans ruins kids?

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Does being trans ruins kids?

Well I have said it before but yeah it's lately on my mind. I am expecting. And have gender identity issues... I am not really trans but I feel in this respect I'm bad right? Well I finally came to a common ground with a girl I was with a few times and got pregnant. Supposedly I'm the only one she was with. She's been nicer I think because school is over soon for like she graduate in June. She said I was too fucked up genderwise. What will our kid think... I look female mostly by my expression plus she knows I'm this way She doesn't want our child to be confused and think two girls can make a baby. That's just weird. I don't like the thought of being called dad either. I don't want to be a dad. It emphasizes something I resent Ok well I wish I were a girl with a penis... Not a transsexual type deal. I could be that right now well actually since I have an intersex condition not completely but similar. But I mean among the many conditions I mean like how some women are born with this one disorder. Yet at birth I appeared quite similar to them. And they are genetic females and can have children but were born with a penis with no balls just like me. At birth there was no difference besides internal gonads which eventually shows it's ugly division. So you see I kind of am jealous of motherhood of pregnancy even though I can have kids just can't carry them. I never wanted to be a dad not a parent now but never a dad. What good is a dad if all he ever dreams of is being in a mom in his future? That's apart of my dreams sometimes. That is just jealousy creeping in. I mean I feel like she has a point I am going to ruin her. Because I can't be the dad she needs. I'm too fucked up. Yet I can't even claim to be a girl in a guy's body. I don't in general feel that way. I just feel jealous about the parenting thing not now but in the future. Like when everyone's in their 30's I'll settle down with a girl and if we have kids I have to take the role as a father and I'll never be a normal man so how could I ever be normal in a familial structure it'll always look weird and confuse young children. All young kids say 'she' when they refer to me. Even if others say he. How do I expect my child to grow up normal. If I'm not...I'm just going to create a mess because that's what I am. I'm too messed up to be good... I am at least the first in my family history to actually have a child and be this way. I thought every child was a blessing but I feel like in this way I'll never be right. It's just the cold hard truth.Is she right? What does a child need a mother and a father if the father acts more like a mom than a dad?

Re: Does being trans ruins kids?

Hey there,

I am not trans* so my advice cannot be as good as somebody who is actually experienced, however, I want to offer the best I can. One, I'm wondering do you want to be a PARENT right now? Not a dad, just a parent? Because if so, I'm going to let you know in no way do I think that a trans* person cannot raise a normal, healthy child. I think that you can, without having to be somebody that you're not. Children are accepting, and you can tell your child the truth when they're older, just as "regular" parents talk to their children about sex. But until then, what's wrong with children growing up with two moms? There isn't anything wrong with it.

I must ask, I'm slightly confused upon your intersex/trans* situation, and I apologize for asking if it is a sensitive topic for you, but what type of intersex were you born with? I've taken a bit in Sexuality studies in which we studied intersexuality, and while I am no replacement for a psychologist (which I recommend you seek), I can at least give you some statistics and information about your syndrome in regards to pregnancy and trans* issues in order to help you further. If you're uncomfortable answering, totally fine!

Overall, I don't think you need to fit some gender binary to be a good parent. :) I think you can be a great mom, father, or whatever parent you want to be, if that's what you want to do. If you're not ready to be a parent, I would recommend talking to your partner, and working something out.