TeenHelp - I have a crush on my best friend

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I have a crush on my best friend

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]As the title suggests, I have one big fat lesbian crush on my best friend. We hang out all the time, she is the absolute most perfect person in the world. Today in class our cool biology teacher was gossiping with a few girls from the class about who is in a romantic relationship. Me and my friend are 'married' as a joke so i told him we are. Then miss bestie goes kind of quiet and this other girl who she gets along with says to the teacher that my crush actually has a girlfriend. I was stunned since i never knew about this. She then goes on explaining to everyone that they went on a date and how they held hands and kissed. I nearly started crying while she was saying this and now I'm just so damn jealous.
Anyway this was jut kind of a vent so do what you want with this info.
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Re: I have a crush on my best friend

Hey,

I don't have a heap of advice for you but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you found out like that and it can't have been nice for you given the feelings you have for your friend. I'm sorry that you felt like you wanted to cry at that moment.

I know that it must be upsetting to know that someone you really like is seeing another person, and I can completely understand why you feel jealous about this. I would suggest being as supportive as you can for your friend though, as clearly this person means a lot to you and so being happy for her will no doubt help her to feel supported. It's also good that you've acknowledged how you feel, both with regards to her and also in response to finding out about her date with another person. You're allowed to feel those things and jealousy and being upset doesn't make you a bad person. I think it's very normal. Allow yourself some time to adjust to this information, and if you feel you can, maybe reach out to other people you trust and lean on them for support.

Sorry if I don't have a huge amount of advice for you, but I just wanted you to know I hear you and I understand why you feel as you do. I hope you're doing ok.

Re: I have a crush on my best friend

Just wondering, but have you actually thought of finding out if this information about your best friend is true? It's easy to get sucked into rumours and comments at school, a lot of people do it for a lot of different reasons. However, I'm a firm believer that a person should always get their information from the horses mouth, so-to-speak.

See if you and your best friend can be alone for a while and ask her questions that revolve around whether or not she's seeing somebody. Ask her if she thinks X person is cute, or see if she has a celebrity crush. The more information you collect on her is one thing, but it also may help her to open up to you as to whether or not this rumour (because that's what it is right now) is true. Only your friend can confirm what's been said about her.

Even if these things were to be true, she may not appreciate that somebody is going around saying these sorts of things so openly in front of others.

Talk to your friend and find out what's really going on. Just be prepared for the fact she may not have been ready to open up to you or anybody else yet. Support her and see how things go. :)

Re: I have a crush on my best friend

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to find out that she had a girlfriend out of the blue, especially when you have a massive crush on her.

The same thing happened to me before when I had a huge crush on a male schoolmate and I subsequently found out that he liked someone else and was on the verge of dating her. I remember those awful pangs of jealously; they hurt like hell and it feels like your heart shatters into a thousand pieces. I know how it feels.

Unfortunately, this is one of those helpless situations where we really can't do anything. Neither can we expect to change their heart nor can we force our feelings on another person. Unrequited love is one of the harsh realities of life.

The best thing to do is try to accept it for what it is, make peace with it and move on. This too happens in life. But trust me, just because this door closes doesn't mean that all chances at love are shut down. As much as you loved this person very much, what I learned from experience is that we do eventually meet other people and begin to have romantic feelings again.

I hope you're taking care of yourself in this situation. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat about anything :hug:

Re: I have a crush on my best friend

Hello!

It's awful you found out that way about your best friend; it's only natural to have feelings of jealousy and sadness. But I was wondering. Wondering if in fact your bestie and this other girl are not serious after all.

The country I lived in as an orphan has a culture where even best friends hold hands, hug and kiss. It doesn't matter that two teenage girls or two older women act this way, but just because they are seen to be hugging and kissing and being together all the time, doesn't necessarily mean they're in a sexual relationship. And your bestie and this girl-in-tow might, just, be 'playing girlfriends' because each are learning how to kiss for when one day they end up in a far more serious relationship.

Pick a quiet moment when you and your bestie can talk. Looking into her eyes and holding their gaze, and ask if she's in a serious relationship, and, explain your feelings.

You have nothing to lose. Especially because in the situation it may feel as if you've lost her, but it might just not be what is happening. And you've nothing to lose.

I've been taken out of school today. My older sisters feel unhappy that the letter of complaint I sent to the Headmistress was rudely replied to and the bullies who attacked me denied everything, so I'm free to chat with you about anything, if you like. Because until my awkward situation is sorted at school, my sisters have suggested I stay at home and school there instead.

I completely understand how you must be feeling. Though I recently came out as straight, I really do understand how feeling for same-gender best friends happen. When I was 11, my best friend teased me mercilessly. And then one day she died, and I couldn't tell her how I felt again.

So don't let your feelings of hurt and rejection dwell raging in. Find a time to talk. Tell her how you feel. You have nothing to lose. But if your best friend is true to her heart, she will tell you, but she will be surprised and very likely overjoyed that in reality, you are her crush and you never even guessed!

Life is like that sometimes. But we have to dig deeper to find answers, often answers that need to reveal the truth, even if that truth hurts. Otherwise we'd be none the wiser.

I'm 13 and you are welcome to knock on my door any time.

:hug:
Tommy.