TeenHelp - Girlfriend Help

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Hello, I am a 19 year old boy and my girlfriend of 11 months is 20. We have been dating and everything has went good for a long time to the point were we decided a promise ring was approriate this last summer.

However We met in college last year and started dating, and now we are back in the same college and things are not the same as they once were. She says she still loves me and it shows most of the time but lately theres times it seems like she isnt into it. but she says she is, we share a room at college and tonight she isn't sleeping in the room with me. Last thursday i found out she had dreams about a friend of mine who is a boy, she is addiment that she doesnt like him and she seems really upset that she is dreaming about him but im really confused..

Re: Girlfriend Help

Hi there,

First of all, it's great that you've made it that far with your girlfriend- some relationships can only last a few weeks. It shows that you're both interested in a commitment and do care to some extent.

However, the interest in another guy raises a potential red flag. How about talking in private with her face-to-face about the other guy? It's often hard for people to lie directly to us. Let her know that you like her and care about her, but that you respect yourself and don't want to make this investment if she's not going to do the same.

Good luck!

Re: Girlfriend Help

I would have a talk with her about this and tell her how you're feeling. Its important to communicate in relationships so that you're both on the same page.
As for the dreams, they don't really mean anything. She can't control them, so you should trust her whens he says she doesn't have feelings for this guy.
You should try and find ways to spice up your relationship. Go do something you've never done before so that you can have fun together and re-connect now that you're both back at college. :)

Re: Girlfriend Help

We have talked about just us, she doesn't like him she likes me, but she says she doesn't feel the same way as she once did when she looks at me, like no butterflies ect. but deep down she says she knows she loves me, and would hate her life without me.

Re: Girlfriend Help

It's normal to lose that "puppy love" feeling by this point in the relationship. And if you have never reached that point in a relationship before it can be really confusing. If she says she still loves you then you have to trust her. By constantly questioning her about this you may be upsetting her. She may feel like you don't trust her. Especially since you keep asking her about these dreams. You can not control what you dream! You just can't. And you should not take these dreams to mean that she no longer wants to be with you. I think you need to leave that subject alone and just move on from it. Dwelling on it will be fruitless or even harmful.

I do, however, feel that the fact she does not want to sleep in the same bed with you is a little odd. Now, it could be something as simple as the bed is tiny and two people don't fit. But, it might mean that she needs some space right now. Living with your partner before an official engagement or even marriage can come with its own set of problems. You need to ask her why she no longer wants to sleep in the same bed. I think that could open up the real conversation you want to have with her, instead of asking her about her dreams again.

Re: Girlfriend Help

My fiance and I have been together for nearly 3 years. For our first year together we were completely into each other couldn't get enough of each other had the butterflies and everything. In the last 2 years it has died down a lot and we have grown comfortable and all that we had at first is gone but replaced with a new deeper feeling of love. We both know with everything in us that we love each other. It is normal for this to happen for the "honeymoon phase" to wear off and that doesn't have to mean that you love each other any less. I think that if she says she loves you then you should trust that she means it as long as you have no good reason to suspect otherwise. About the not sleeping in the same bed some people like to have a lot of space when they sleep and I actually know quite a few people who have been together for years and sleep in separate beds. My one aunt actually sleeps in the guest bedroom because she cant sleep with her husbands snoring. Some people just can't share a bed and there is nothing wrong with that.