TeenHelp - Triggering: HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

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Pyromania

October 27th 2013 09:55 PM

HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

Long story short, I met this girl a few weeks back, we've grown really close, her boyfriend is coming up to our uni next weekend. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a huge thing for her (almost sure she reciprocates some of these feelings, there's this odd kind of chemistry). It also wouldn't be a problem if her boyfriend wasn't suspicious of something going on between us. She's previously mentioned how lovey-dovey they are (they had a falling out last week, though, relationship's kinda on the rocks).

Anyway, she wants to bring him out with our circle on Saturday night. If they're going to be kissing at any stage of the night, which is very likely given that alcohol's involved, I'm not going to be able to deal with it. If I go, I risk a massive self-implosion happening. If I don't go, I'll come across as pathetic and he'll feel as if he's won (he's a smug bastard). She won't be too impressed, either.

What do I do? I can provide extra details if need be.

Lelola

October 29th 2013 02:58 PM

Re: HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

Do you have to do everything that the group does? Do you have other friends you could hang out with? Can something else come up that you need to do like school work or something work-related?

Skeleton

October 29th 2013 03:18 PM

Re: HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

I've been in a similar situation and it sucks seeing the person you like being all lovey dovey and kissing someone that you like but you shouldn't let it ruin your fun. If you want to go out with and have a good time with your friends then don't let it stop you, if they decide to kiss etc, then just turn/walk away from it as I'm sure your other friends won't be standing around watching them either so you could spend the night with him and distract yourself from your friend and her boyfriend.

xxpaigiexx

October 29th 2013 08:51 PM

Re: HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

Hey there,

I think you have to try and be as grown up as possible about this. Maybe see how things go and if it does get too much for you leave or something... Just see how the evening goes first.

Paige

Age of Ignorance

November 1st 2013 01:59 AM

Re: HELP - her boyfriend is coming up

Jealousy is a cruel mistress. You can't let it affect you.

If you truly want to spend time with her, you'd go to this group meeting and you'd go in there with the knowledge that she's going home with him and not you. You'll be affected by their affection nonetheless, but at least you can prepare yourself for the inevitability of it. And hey, if it works out differently, that's great. Prepare yourself for the worst, expect the worst and if you get anything better, you'll feel fantastic; if you get the worst, you won't feel any less disappointed, jealous, envious or spiteful, than simply for the fact that she is with someone else - you won't have the disappointment of failed expectations.

Remember, she's with him, not you. You have to expect that affection will be passed back and forth by them; you don't have to like it, but you have to know that it will happen.

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