TeenHelp - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): My girlfriend is scared of commitment.

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- - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): My girlfriend is scared of commitment. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/t129567-my-girlfriend-scared-commitment/)

My girlfriend is scared of commitment.

Basically, my girlfriend is scared of commitment due to having been fucked over by a guy in a previous relationship. She says she loves me, she treats me really well, but she's reluctant to take that last step forward. We've been together for 5 months now and it's a pretty serious relationship (we're both 20, passingly talked about the future etc).

We've also got essentially no sex life - she was a virgin prior to meeting me and our first time didn't go amazingly well (I've never slept with a virgin before and was firing off nerves left right and center, couldn't get it up) and now she's 'scared' of sex (not only due to our first time, but due to one or two minor things in her past too). How do I alleviate these fears and get her to open up sexually, pun unintended?

I don't like the way all of this is heading. Help! :(

Re: My girlfriend is scared of commitment.

I think you just need to giver her time and be there for her. If things have happened in the past, she might be wary as you know of taking the next step and doing certain things, you've just got to be there for her while and give her time to get to a point where she is comfortable going further with you. It doesn't mean that things are heading in a bad direction.

Re: My girlfriend is scared of commitment.

Hey,

I think it's great that you've found a girlfriend you're really interested in and who treats you well. The way the two of you feel about each other is the most important factor in whether or not things will end up working out. If you really feel strongly for her then working through the problems that you're having together and helping her to trust you, no matter how long it takes, will be totally worth it to keep your relationship.

I think the best thing you can do is just give it time. When you have a hard time trusting people it doesn't necessarily mean that the person has to do a bunch of extra work in order to earn your trust. It just means that you take a little more time to truly trust someone than other people might. The longer you two are together the more she'll start to trust you.

I also think that the more she trusts you the more comfortable she'll feel when it comes to sex, and that's just something you need to give time as well. It might take her a while to get to the point where she feels completely comfortable trying it again, but as I said before it will be worth the wait if she's someone you're truly interested in. I think you should try your best not to pressure her or make her feel like you're unhappy with your relationship because the two of you aren't having sex. If she knows that you're willing to wait until she's ready again I think that that will help her to trust you even more.

I don't think that any of this means your relationship isn't going to work out. It might take a little more time and effort to make things the way you want them to be between the two of you but it's totally possible to earn her trust and have a relationship you're really happy with. You just have to be willing to give it time.

Re: My girlfriend is scared of commitment.

I'm sorry this isn't going as well as you want it to! But my advice to you is to talk to her about exactly how you are feeling about both issues! Let her know your alls sex isnt always going to be like the first time and that it definitely gets better! And just make sure she knows that you won't hurt her like her previous relationship! Good luck! Feel free to message me if you need anything!:)