TeenHelp - Casual Dating -- is it okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nevermore~ (Post 1166549)

Hey guys,

So I was just wondering what your thoughts were on casual dating.

You know, dating someone you don't necessarily have strong feelings for??

Do you think it could eventually grow into attraction and you could develop stronger feelings? Or do you think it's just a waste of time, effort, and too risky to hurt the other person's feelings?

Would it be better to wait and get closer to the person, to see if you develop feelings as friends... or, if they ask you out, would it be best just to say yes and see where it takes you?

As a concept, I think casual dating is great. However, in practice it's not for everyone.

I personally casually date. I enjoy dating without necessarily entering into the relationship with a "capital 'R,'" as I call it. I can enjoy the companionship and physical intimacy, but I don't have to be completely head over heels for the person to enjoy these things with them. For me casual dating relationships tend to be nice, easy relationships that are free of the bigger highs and lows that can occur when you're in a committed romantic relationship with someone.

I think that the validity of casual dating being a good idea in someone's life depends on why they want to casually date. Are they casually dating hoping to eventually find emotional attachment of a stronger degree, or are they just seeing what's out there? Are they open to "more," or do they want to keep things casual? The first and foremost thing is to know which of these two camps one falls into and to be CLEAR about which camp you are in with the people you begin casually seeing.

Casual dating quickly can go from being fun to being a nightmare if one person develops stronger feelings and wants a relationship and the other does not. For this reason it's important to communicate your intentions. If they don't want things to go anywhere beyond casual and you "think" you could do that, but in reality you could see yourself developing strong feelings, then it's probably not a good idea to casually date that person.

I think how you want to handle it depends on you. There's benefits towards both waiting to see if things develop as "friends" and to going ahead and saying yes if someone asks you out. As friends, you get a stronger basis of stability, a foundation to already start off with. If you just say yes when they ask you out, you get more of an exciting rush, and you get to kind of see where things go. Neither way is better than the other, and it just depends on the people involved.

So, if you're going to casually date, know what you want and communicate that to the other person. Make sure what they want is compatible with what you want before proceeding.

It should be noted that some people just don't do casual well. They may think they can, but they learn from experience that they can't. That's okay. Just know going into it that it may be an experiment for you and it may not go as planned.