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-   -   Is it easier to just not date in High School? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/t139581-easier-just-not-date-high-school/)

ThatRandomTurkey July 18th 2015 07:48 AM

Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Hello, and i brought up this question today to ask if it is truly easier if i just don't bother dating in High School? Here is my story, so for YEARS i have told myself that i am nothing but a no good loser and called myself many names. So when it comes to dating, i tell myself "no way she will EVER like you", or "You will never be good enough". I get all this stuff from past relationships on the internet. I know it was stupid, but back then i really felt like nobody in real will ever like me. All those online relationships ended AWFULLY, and to my realization they were never real. I have never had a girlfriend in my life. The only time i tried, the girl randomly just left and stopped talking too me because..? I have no clue. It must just be me. I also am very annoying :-( and i have made myself look like an idiot for years. I just wish i could forget the past and move on, but i feel like if i dont bother worrying about dating everything will be fine. Maybe i dont even deserve love, especially after the things i have done. :-(

Skyline July 18th 2015 09:50 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Hey there :) I totally get what you're saying about feeling like you won't be good enough for another person, feeling like you shouldn't even bother trying. I feel that way quite a lot, and the way I see it is that there isn't much you can do about it... we're teens, it's pretty much inevitable that we're craving for a relationship, and for many of us we'll be too anxious thinking about it to have time to actually do anything about it.
I think the best ways to go about this whole issue are 1- stop analyzing conversations, and put aside any thoughts of you not being "good enough" for a particular person; 2- when socializing with people to whom you are attracted, try to stop thinking of them as a "potential partner", and instead, try to develop your relationship slowly without that goal in mind; 3- don't take it too seriously. You win some, you lose some, and you can't do anything about it. You can't make someone like you.

Hope this helps a little :)

Skye

nouedis July 20th 2015 01:47 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
You're always going to want to date someone unless you can actually manage to be all alone for 4 years straight.

Lilyofthewest July 20th 2015 12:24 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
I finished school a couple of months ago and I'm yet to have been in a relationship. I wouldn't say it's easier nor harder, it just is. A lot of it depends on who you are and the kind of school you attend also. Like, in my case, I had a much smaller number of potential people I could date because I was queer in a very conservative, sheltered sort of school, and I didn't have many friends outside of school until last year. Hence it would have been quite difficult for me to be in a relationship.

In some ways it's easier because I had less drama on my plate and more time to focus on academics. In others it's harder because I felt worthless when I saw everyone else in relationships and I was on my own. So, really, there's no catch-all answer, it depends.

Always * July 20th 2015 04:57 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
I have mixed feelings about dating in high school... Considering how often it fucks up, I'm inclined to say no, it's not worth it cause either you're spending 4 years being upset cause you can't get anyone or spending 4 years recovering from heart break... But on the other hand, I do feel like we need to learn from our mistakes and experiences, so whether it's going well or not doesn't mean you should just stop.. You'd never get to learn just by sitting idly by and not thinking about dating. Sometimes I think it even works out, two of my friends recently got married and they've been together since grade 10, two other friends are still together and they've been together since grade 9 but they're major outliers, it's super weird that they're still together. You can chalk up all the drama and heart break and say it sucks. But it can also be lonely to not have a significant other at all ever. I guess there are two sides to th card.

Personally, I opted not to date in university. I broke up with my high school boyfriend after my first year. He was abusive. He caused me a lot of heartbreak and agony. It was good we broke up and I preferred to be single. I thought it'd be better not to have someone. I thought I'd be happy finding a way to get a baby when I was done school (adoption maybe) and be single. After a while, I accepted that I'd had negative experiences. It's never a "good time" any more than it's ever a "bad time" to be with someone... It just is, your experiences and mentality will go a long way to swaying how you feel about relationships, good or bad. But when you meet someone who's kind and caring and thoughtful, it's nothing but perfect

You'll meet someone when the time is right. You usually find it when you least expect it. If you're feeling bummed out, maybe try focusing on school or sports or reading as outlets, build your confidence or build your resume, and eventually love will find you. Or you'll decide to get online dating like I did.

pinky987 July 21st 2015 03:19 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
tbh in my opinion its a lot more easier not to date, i mean highschool, those are your last 4 years! make the best of it ! (: get involved, get into clubs, Go to football games, maybe even get into ASB, theres so much to do. believe me when i see this (im a senior) senior year does come very fast whether you feel like the year is going slow or not. plus you dont want to stress yourself out with a relationship when you already have to grades to maintain. The right girl will come along one day and see you for who you are, she'll see the good things about you and she'll see the bad things about you but she'll love you anyway. just wait till after highschool dont be pressured by the couples around you, chances are they dont last that long, because honestly everyone isn't done maturing (: and everyone is worth it, it just takes thr right eyes to see it.

teenager149 July 21st 2015 05:46 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by pinky987 (Post 1196290)
tbh in my opinion its a lot more easier not to date, i mean highschool, those are your last 4 years! make the best of it ! (: get involved, get into clubs, Go to football games, maybe even get into ASB, theres so much to do. believe me when i see this (im a senior) senior year does come very fast whether you feel like the year is going slow or not. plus you dont want to stress yourself out with a relationship when you already have to grades to maintain. The right girl will come along one day and see you for who you are, she'll see the good things about you and she'll see the bad things about you but she'll love you anyway. just wait till after highschool dont be pressured by the couples around you, chances are they dont last that long, because honestly everyone isn't done maturing (: and everyone is worth it, it just takes thr right eyes to see it.

I agree. High school relationships aren't really worth it imo. Just enjoy high school, my friend.

dr2005 July 21st 2015 09:25 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Depends how you define "easier", really. If you mean "the best way to keep stress levels down while studying", then probably yes - as others have said, high school relationships can bring with them all kinds of unforeseen and unpleasant drama, so in some ways you can end up being better off out of the whole damn thing. If you mean "the best way to fit in and be happy", then possibly not. It's a bit of a "damned either way" in some respects, as if you come across as being disinterested in all those things then it can result in you being isolated by some of your peers (not for any good reason necessarily, just because you're 'different'). It can also mean you miss out on certain experiences at the time your peers are going through them, which can affect self-esteem at times. And for all the negatives associated with high school relationships, there are positives too. If there weren't, no one would bother with them (hormones or not).

I think the key question is, what is best for your happiness during your time at high school? Bearing in mind it's stressful enough as it is, you want to prioritise being content in your own mind so that you do the best you can at it. If being in the dating scene contributes to that, then by all means pursue it. If not, don't.

pinky987 July 22nd 2015 01:18 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by dr2005 (Post 1196399)
Depends how you define "easier", really. If you mean "the best way to keep stress levels down while studying", then probably yes - as others have said, high school relationships can bring with them all kinds of unforeseen and unpleasant drama, so in some ways you can end up being better off out of the whole damn thing. If you mean "the best way to fit in and be happy", then possibly not. It's a bit of a "damned either way" in some respects, as if you come across as being disinterested in all those things then it can result in you being isolated by some of your peers (not for any good reason necessarily, just because you're 'different'). It can also mean you miss out on certain experiences at the time your peers are going through them, which can affect self-esteem at times. And for all the negatives associated with high school relationships, there are positives too. If there weren't, no one would bother with them (hormones or not).

I think the key question is, what is best for your happiness during your time at high school? Bearing in mind it's stressful enough as it is, you want to prioritise being content in your own mind so that you do the best you can at it. If being in the dating scene contributes to that, then by all means pursue it. If not, don't.


thats not at all what i meant, im not the type of person to "just fit in" or tell anyone to do so for that matter, please do not twist my words or imply that they mean something else, its exactly how it looks word by word im telling him he doesnt need to feel pressured to get into one, and that as highschoolers no one is actually fully mature, (i know because i am one) now..its his choice of course he can do what he wants because after all this is only advice, he'll either take it or he wont.

nouedis July 22nd 2015 01:19 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
I say staying single in high school saves you a lot of trouble and heart break and saves friendships. I wouldn't impose you do it.

pinky987 July 22nd 2015 01:28 AM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
your overthinking it, i havent dated anyone and none of that has happend to me, or anyone that i know. if your involoved in something your likely to make friends are you not? just because you become disinterested in something does not mean you will become disinterested in the people you made a bond with as well? as a teen your constantly interested in something new.

dr2005 July 22nd 2015 10:16 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by pinky987 (Post 1196432)
thats not at all what i meant, im not the type of person to "just fit in" or tell anyone to do so for that matter, please do not twist my words or imply that they mean something else, its exactly how it looks word by word im telling him he doesnt need to feel pressured to get into one, and that as highschoolers no one is actually fully mature, (i know because i am one) now..its his choice of course he can do what he wants because after all this is only advice, he'll either take it or he wont.

With all due respect, my post was aimed at the OP's original question and made no reference to what you posted. I was offering my own opinion based on my own experiences, without seeking to challenge or dismiss yours. I would be grateful if you would likewise not twist my words into an attack on yours which did not, in fact, exist. I am confident the OP will consider all opinions posted on here and make his own mind up, which is as it should be.

nouedis July 22nd 2015 11:37 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
I'm telling you, just stay alone and everything will be alright!

SamMarie July 23rd 2015 03:19 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
I mean, I have mixed feelings about it too. There's nothing really easier when it comes to relationships...even the best ones. I think people should date in High School because it gives you that experience everyone should go through. We've all had that not-so-serious relationship and although I've only been out of High School for 3 years now, I've never really had that real High School relationship. I mean, I've called it dating in High School, but they only lasted a month. I was considered an attractive young lady in my school, but I was alwayssss picky. I mean, 12th grade seemed to be the time where things started getting serious for me. I wanted a long-lasting relationship. I met my bf online and he happened to be 30 minutes away from me and 2 and a half years older already in college. I think college is probably the best time to start seeking depending on who you are. I know for some, relationships hinder their success in college. Which it shouldn't, but it's really inevitable. Love is inevitable. Anyway, back to High School. I had a lot of crushes more than I did going steady. It really should all be about friends, but we've all had that one high school relationship that gave us our first heartbreak. Like I said, you should try to experience everything, but don't get married early.

Gitler July 23rd 2015 08:14 PM

Re: Is it easier to just not date in High School?
 
If I look back at all my High School relationships I realized non of them helped me in relationships that actually mattered. They really served to get my curiosity out of the way in order for me to appreciate relationships with depth later in my life.
But I could see someone who values depth off the bat to have no real need for High School dating.

Dont get me wrong they serve a purpose. They taught me lust and they also taught me that only lust becomes empty.
So I wouldn't worry about it that much even if its the "in" thing to do, honestly is not worth the hassle that generally comes with dating people that for the most part don't think with their brains.


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