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girlfriend not ready for more sexual things
hey all, I've got a bit of a problem, I'm 16, I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a couple weeks now, i want to say that i, in any way want to pressure my girlfriend, i love her with all of my heart. but i have a large problem, we have a sexual relationship, both of us are crazy with hormones, as any two sixteen year olds. we have a healthy relationship imo. but I'm ready for some things she isn't. all of my friends are getting oral sex from random girls they just get with, and here i am, i haven't gotten past third base with my girlfriend, its really frustrating. and she's ready for me to give her oral, but if i ask her about it "she isn't ready" I'm sorry if this post was rather graphic, I'm just very frustrated and confused :(
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Re: girlfriend not ready for more sexual things
Hey there, It's great that you don't want to pressurize your girlfriend and that you love her and care about her. I'm soon to be 17, and been with my boyfriend upcoming 2yrs.
I'll try my best to help and give some personal experience. Not everyone is gonna move at the same pace when it comes anything revolving around sex. Regardless of how many girls you might meet have done so many stages earlier, not all girls are gonna be sexually mature and ready for everything at once. The thing is guys tend to be more ahead of girls, and sometimes it can be other way round. But either way only the two of you can discuss these feelings together and you need to listen what "I'm not ready means" in her terms, they could be reasons she's resisting or she simply isn't in that stage yet to try oral. But from experience I find the more my boyfriend tried it (not oral but certain things), and I wasn't ready - the more I was resistant to sex altogether because I ended up fearing if the subject would arise, however he would then claim "you don't love me" which I advice never give that impression if you truly love her - Just comfort her, reassure her and do not pressure the situation or subject, if she wants you to back off, do so. It doesn't mean anything bad on your side, and I know guys can take these rejections in the wrong terms, but genuinely its just the timing isn't right for the female and she needs to feel ready in herself. I've gone through with things I let my boyfriend win over me, and its a very horrible feeling. Feeling like you have no choice or control in the matter, but obviously I'm manipulated and told things that aren't true, so in my position I try to make up to him but only feel bad in myself. (Unhealthy relationship I know) But as you mentioned things are healthy between the two of you, you want to keep that balance instead of putting a weight load into the situation and things going into awkwardness and a messy relationship. Just try relax a little, I know peer pressure doesn't help - but most girls would admire a guy who respects his girlfriends timings and listens to her side. You may hear these guys and girls going on about ALL the things they have done, but some girls just get this vague picture of what they have to meet up to, and not what some guys are actually really nice and straight forward about it. You just really need to talk about it, and let her know its okay that's she's simply not ready, its frustrating yes, but is a little frustration worth having your girl or rushing and losing her? You never know what's around the corner if she becomes comfortable enough she might just surprise you aha. Try and out wait it :) Sorry if not much help but - I tried! :) x |
Re: girlfriend not ready for more sexual things
Rest assured, just because your friends are hooking up with girls (or boys) for a one time "fling", shall we call it, doesn't mean that you need to be doing more "advanced" sexual stuff with your girlfriend. You don't have to prove anything to anyone else, what you and your girlfriend do or do not do is no one's business but your own. I know what it's like to be 16, and everyone wants to be thought of as "doing it" because it's some ridiculous claim to status. That said, the older I got the more I realized that I, having sex at 16, was a greater rarity than I thought - far fewer people were doing it. I think a lot of people talked like they were doing it or just kept their mouths shut.
That said, you shouldn't pressure your girlfriend to do stuff. If she's not ready, then that's just how it's going to be. You're only 16 after all, and having raging hormones that are bouncing off the walls and driving you crazy doesn't necessarily equal being ready emotionally to having sex. The emotional readiness is so important for many people, both male and female. You could always try talking to your girlfriend and having a respectful conversation about why she doesn't feel ready, don't aim to pressure her, just aim to find out if it is that she feels to young, insecure, if she's waiting for marriage, if she just wants to wait for a "something" to feel ready, etc. She might not know why she isn't ready, only that she know's she's not. Perhaps hearing her out and seeking to further understand her reasons will help you respect that in a more secure way and feel better about waiting with her. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself if it is more important for you to have sex (or do sexual things) or if it is more important that you are in a happy relationship. Yes, it is true that you can have both, but in this case you're going to have to accept that you need to wait for one of those things. Not to mention that choosing sex over your relationship doesn't necessarily gaurentee you will get it - breaking up with your girlfriend for someone who will meet those needs won't instantly get one of those girls (or boys) to meet that need, it might be a year or more of being single and sexless, whereas being patient and respectful of your girlfriends wishes means that, if you guys stay together, she'll eventually change her mind and meanwhile you are in a loving, caring relationship which sure as hell beats being single in my opinion. |
Re: girlfriend not ready for more sexual things
random girls give oral sex to guys they just met?
what's the appeal for the girls to do that? its a weird thing to be proud of.... if that is so good then being a hooker/prostitute must be a really good job to get lol |
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