Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

I've been "dating" ny boyfriend for about a year now. I put in quotations because he hasn't yet asked to make things official.

I left for the military but due to things happening I got discharged and am back home. When I left he was all over me, sexually and emotionally. He let me in and talked to me and flirted with me plenty.

Now Im home and he's saying how his antidepressants have caused him to lose most all of his sex drive and feels like he's in a constant fog and can't really talk about it at all.

And I just dont really know how I can be there for him. I love him and want to support him. But lately I just haven't felt very wanted and desired. Which I know logically isn't the case, but emotionally I've been a wreck.

I want to be there for him and I also want to feel love and desired in my relationship. He says he's not asking me out officially until things are better. Which is like, I'm trying to be there for the hard times, not just when things are good.

Idk, I guess I'm just ranting about it but am also hoping for some advice as to help him but be okay myself too.

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

Hi there, thank you for posting. I hope you can find some useful information/advice here.

I was in your exact position for a long time. My partner was depressed for a while and had zero interest in sexual activity. Being someone with a high sex drive, this was really, REALLY hard for me to accept. I also felt undesired and unwanted. Eventually my partner did get on antidepressants and and she still was struggling with her sex drive. It crushed me.

The best thing I came up with was to separate myself from the issue. I knew, deep down, she still loved me and found me attractive, and the depression/antidepressants are what was making it hard to express that love, physically speaking. It still hurt, but it helped. I also tried to connect more with her in ways that were physical and with non-sexual touching; cuddling, hair stroking, small kisses, etc. She didn't want to go out much, but we found time to go to our favorite tea shop, and we played games sometimes since she really loves those.

Maybe you could do some of these things with your boyfriend. Depression makes it hard to want to do things, so he might not be up for it, but you could do something as simple as sit with him watching TV or listening to music. It doesn't require much effort and you could spend time together. I would also suggest saying what you said here: letting him know you want to be there for the good AND the bad, and that you're in this. Sometimes depression makes it hard to feel love and compassion from others, because it convinces you you're worthless, but keep being consistent with your actions and words and hopefully he'll come to see it. I would also suggest asking your boyfriend to ask his psychiatrist or doctor for a different antidepressant. If it's having that sort of affect on him he needs a different one.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything.

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

Yeah it definitely really is hard as someone with a high sex drive to be around him again and for him not to want to do anything since before I left, he did. And I know that was a while ago and that situations change and this year has been really stressful. Its just hard when I cant go to his house and I dont have a place for him to go.

I've seen him 4 times since I got home 3 weeks ago and each was just for a couple hours. I wish I could support him and help him more I just dont know how to do that. He keeps himself busy to avoid being alone with his mind. Which I understand. I've struggled with depression for years and I know how hard it can get.

Dating someone with depression is so different though. Trying to get them to let you in and open up and trying to figure out how you can help when its really hard for anything to help in that mindset.

I love him and am in this for the long run. I just hate seeing him like this and wish I could help

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

Have you thought about asking him how you can help? He might say he doesn't know how, but it would let him know you care. Again I encourage you to tell him everything you're telling us in this post. I've found being completely open with your partner is generally the best policy.

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

I have talked to him about it and have let him know. And he says, ill let you know if you can help and that he appreciates that Im there.

I guess its just hard being on the sidelines when someone is going through a mental struggle and there not really being anything you can do

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

All you do, many times, is love the person as best and hard as you can. Hopefully, when they feel better, they'll be able to see all the ways you were there for them.

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

He could talk to his doctor...


Also 90% of serration comes from the gut. Not sure what his diet is like?

Re: Boyfriend is struggling with antidepressants
 

Post is from 2020. I think OP has likely found some sort of resolution by now.