TeenHelp - My diary

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Hi all.

My boyfriend has a friend from my country, let's call him X (my boyfriend is from a different country and we communicate in English. He doesn't know my and X's language). I don't know X in real life, but I had one huge "argument" through social media with him at the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, because X attacked me based on wrong assumptions about my relation with my gay best friend. I blocked X then because I didn't have time nor nerves for his bullshit and haven't had any contact with him since, but my boyfriend plays video games with him on a regular basis.

Yesterday I was playing on my bf's laptop when he was away and I suddenly had the impulse to read his conversation with X. I wanted to know if they had texted about me. I know it was a wrong thing to do, reading someone's private chat.

There were many things about me that hurt, for example my boyfriend saying that I'm very spoiled and that my mother does everything for me. However, the worst thing I found out was that my boyfriend had taken pictures of my diary a couple months ago and sent them to X and asked for a translation.

I confronted my boyfriend about this. He apologised and said that he wanted to know what I was writing in my diary, because he couldn't understand me. I admit that my behaviour had been irrational quite often at that time, because I had strong depressive episodes. Still, my diary is my haven, a safe place where I write my deepest thoughts. Never has my privacy been violated this way before. Opening my diary is horrible enough, but the knowledge that he sent it to X to read gives me pain that almost feels physical.

Do you have any ideas how to release these emotions? I don't want to contain them in my body. My stomach already hurt because of this situation yesterday. I feel like a deflated balloon.
xx S

Hello Sue,

I am so sorry you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. It is never okay for anyone to take pictures of your diary and send them out to other people so he can see what you are writing about. If you are able to get a lock and put that on your diary so that he is not able to get into this, you should try doing that. It wouldn't let me copy this, if you put this in Google ( diary how to add a lock) go to YouTube and this can show you how to make a lock in about 5 minutes if you would like to keep your daily that you have or you can get one with a lock. You are allowed to feel hurt and everything else that you are feeling, because what he did is not okay. Also, your boyfriend should always respect you no matter what you are doing and when you are writing in your diary and sees this he should never take it and read this and take pictures and see what you have written inside. No matter who you are with, they should always loves you for you and will never hurt you in anyway. When you are calm, try talking to him about this and asking him why he would do this do you. I'm really sorry this is to you. I hope you will be okay soon. :hug: to help you to be okay soon.

Hey Sue, thanks for reaching out! What your boyfriend did was not cool. I don't care if he doesn't know your native language; he had absolutely no right to take screenshots of your journal and send it to someone else. And, not just anyone, the person you blocked a long time ago because they accused you of things that were not true. I sure don't blame you for feeling the way you do!

It's great that you want to release your anger and hurt in a healthy, safe way. I believe in the past, you've run and done various exercises. I don't know if you do it anymore, but this is an excellent way to release energy. It's good for our hearts, our mind, and our overall being. When you're not able to get out and about, I would suggest writing and I know it sounds ineffective to you now; but why not write somewhere more private?

What I'm suggesting is assuming that you keep your tech/digital possessions secure with password protection. Why not write on your phone's app or download an app to write on. If you prefer to use the computer, then you can take advantage of TeenHelp's own blogging feature. Or, alternatively, you can blog elsewhere but not share it publicly — such as on Wordpress. Again, this is assuming a couple things:
You password protect your phone/computer.
You log out of all apps/accounts when not using them.
You clear your computer browser's cookies & history.

When the timing is right, I would speak to your boyfriend again. Make sure you're clear and concise, so he understands what he did was wrong. Sure, he might not know your language but that doesn't give him the right to do what he did. If he wants to know what's going on with you, well... communication goes a long way in a relationship.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Hello Sue,

Thanks for reaching out! I'm so sorry to hear about this. I would feel extremely violated if I were in your shoes as well.

There's no way to justify taking pictures of someone else's diary and sending it to someone else for translation. What I can infer is that your boyfriend has a lot of insecurities if he is asking a third party to translate your diary in the first place. Such behaviour is simply unacceptable.

It's good that you confronted him about this. As mentioned by the others, writing in a diary/journalling are extremely important self-care strategies. I'm glad you find this method to be effective in releasing your emotions.

I agree with Ethereal about exercising being an incredible way to release emotions. It also comes with the die-effect of boosting your endorphins. It is my to-go method when I'm stressed and need to clear my head. The other thing I can recommend is enjoying a nice long bath - ideal if you have a bathtub. Going on a long walk also helps.

However, I sincerely hope this incident does not discourage you from writing, though I understand you'd be worried that he might open your diary again. Online blogging is definitely a good idea, but there's something special about writing on a book with a pen. If diarising your emotions gives you an outlet, I suggest continuing with it. If your boyfriend has really learned his lesson, he shouldn't repeat his mistake. If he does, then it speaks volumes about him, and we can touch base again on what to do in that situation.

Take care!