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Polyamorous Dating?

So I have a boyfriend whom I love very much, however he lives in Ontario and I in Manitoba so we can't exactly be together physically, and we're in an open relationship and VERY emotionally and sexually open with each other. We have numerous fantasies about having multiple sexual partners at once and we're both okay with it, but a friend of ours told us I should have to boyfriends. At first I shrugged off the suggestion trying not to think of the person I've slowly been developing feelings for in my school, but been staying away from without completely avoiding him as my friend all togther the best I can. Later my boyfriend and I got to talking about it privately and he so badly wants for me to be more than satisfied and fullfilled emotionally, spiritually and phyiscally at all times. I didn't like the idea because it seemed so morally wrong at first but he went on to mention how much closer he feels to me when he shares me with someone else (for a long explanation that will take another 10 minutes to explain) and i started to think about it, having someone to lean one when you may have ups and downs with the other, having someone for each other when you can't always be around. It seems like something I'd enjoy much more knowing I'll always have someone around and so will he etc. as well as I do already have feelings for another person. So what I'm wondering is it REALLY so morally wrong to have more than one partner? I mean society paints homosexuality and other such things as wrong and it's not so why should poligamy? I mean if all partners are into it? For those of you in polyamorous relationships what are they like and have you dated one partner faithfully at a time before? Also how do your friends and family take it?

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

It takes really understanding people for polyamorism to work. I've been in a couple and it worked ok. Everybody involved has to understand what's going on and be comfortable with it.

One was where, like you, we couldn't be together and we both dated people while we were apart and slept together when we could be together. All partners knew what was going on and were ok with it, but she eventually took up with him and they were happy with each other. Another was with a girl who had broken up with her bf, somebody I knew, and after a while they wanted to sleep together again. Since I loved her but didn't really want to marry her it was ok with me and they eventually got married. I was best man at the wedding. It's not as unusual as you would think and it's sure better than cheating. Surprisingly there wasn't much jealousy among us. We just worked out who would be with who on what weekend.

If you can be ok with it it solves a lot of problems but there's always the possibility that one partner will want to be with the new person exclusively, but that's life. That would happen anyway. Needless to say, it's not for everybody and it takes talking and working things out to make it work. Most people are one person people and I think I am, too, but sometimes things just aren't that simple.

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

Polygamy takes a lot of work to maintain multiple partners.
It can get nasty, but if it's done right, you should have no problem.
Firstly, make sure that all parties involved know the situation, that way they don't expect more or less from it.
Be sure that the person(s) you are sleeping with don't have any kind of STDs that you could potentially give to your boyfriend.

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonPants (Post 647689)

I know any relationship takes alot to maintain, and I don't want to find another partner unless he knows what he is signing up for, i want everything to be out in the open.
and as for STD's i don't need to worry about that for now, I'm a virgin and plan on staying that way for a while yet

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

I am currently in an open, poly trio. I date a male and a female and we have the option of seeing other people sexually (safe sex, of course). While the female and I broke up for a while, she and I are now dating again. We have all been together in some form or fashion for over a year.

First of all, you need to know that polyamory is not polygamy. Polyamory means having multiple loves. Polygamy is the marriage of a man to more than one woman. Just a little terminology trivia.

Society tells us that the "right" thing to do is to settle down with one person, but the truth is love isn't like that. Love is infinite; there is no set amount that we have and if we use it up, we use it up. Because love is infinite, it's possible to love and be with more than person at once. Many people don't tap into this capacity, but it's possible, and there are a few people who are in touch with it and pursue multiple loves. Society also tells us it's wrong to be with multiple people sexually, just like it has told us it's wrong to be homosexual, but that's wrong, too. There is nothing wrong with expressing oneself sexually in a liberal manner. For these reasons, and many more, there is nothing morally wrong about polyamory and open relationships.

Being in a polyamorous relationship is one of the most rewarding and challenging things I have ever done. Throwing in three people's wants, needs and boundaries and trying to make them work is more difficult than just doing it in your typical two person relationship. There were times when both my female partner and I needed something and my male partner had to address one's needs before the other, and those times were hurtful. They will happen. Fights are more difficult too because more people are upset; you're trying to balance more people's satisfaction and complaints.

Jealousy and envy are big problems too. They can crop up out of nowhere and sour an experience the three of us are having. I can watch the two of them kiss, or he can watch she and I kiss, or she can watch he and I kiss and WHAM! Jealousy is there, or envy. It's hard to deal with, and it can cause a lot of fights, especially if you can't determine the cause. But once you start pinpointing jealousy it gets a little bit easier to cope with.

There are lots of challenges, but there are lots of rewards too. We are a family; we all support one another and care about each other. We take care of our own. And that's a very special, unique feeling to have. Most days it's worth all the challenges.

If you want to know more, feel free to PM me. I'm always happy to talk to people curious about polyamory.

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

so, in health today...we're reviewing sexuality type stuff, and I noticed that apprently having more than one partner makes you uncleanly. Sure the possibility of getting something from someone your with is higher but if you're protected why is it so wrong?

this doesn't really affect my decisions greatly but it does make me wonder if i'm going to get automatically labelled as a slut for having a boyfriend and dating someone who isn't him at the same time and attract guys for the wrong reasons...

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmazonQueen (Post 650033)

It's pretty obvious that you are going to be judged and labeled. That's how society is. It's your choice what you decide to do with your body, but don't just assume that because you use protection, your not still setting yourself up for STDs. If you give oral sex, and your partner (either partner(s)) has herpes, you are at risk of catching it. Sure, condoms do help somewhat, but it's not always the case. There is still a chance the condom can break, and a lot of STDs are transferred through bodily fluids.

It's still your decision, but you still need to prepare yourself for the consequences of what might happen.

Re: Polyamorous Dating?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonPants (Post 650206)

i know all this i'm chosing to wait before i lose my virginity