[Ennui.]

***MAY BE TRIGGERING***

First of all. I hope you go searching for my name somewhere on Google and come across TeenHelp. I hope you, as a mother, wonder if this is your daughter posting it and decide to click on it and find out. Then you'll know exactly how I feel about you sometimes.

First of all, I hate you right now. I hate how you are unwilling to listen to anything. I hate how you are an argumentative bitch who won't listen to what anyone else has to say because you "know your daughter like a book." You know me and I'm fine. I hate how you have such a temper that you just scream at people and storm out of the room. How you won't even see things from my side.

I hate how you tell me this is all for attention and that I'm just exaggerating everything. Do you know anything about mental health at all? Do you know anything about the thoughts that are screaming through my mind on an almost daily basis? Oh, wait, the answer to that is no, right? Then shut the fuck up and stop pretending that you know me. You don't know me at all. So stop pretending that you know everything that I'm going through and I'm fine. It's called I'm lying, putting on an act because this is how you act. Nothing is okay right now, and a lot of it is because of you now.

Right now I don't even want to be at home anymore because I don't want to look at you. I don't want to see your face because you make me angry. Probably will be too upset to sleep tonight so if I do poorly on the SAT, that's your fault too.

Your constant coughing disgusts me and makes me squirm. I know you're a liar and you still smoke, so it's probably from that filthy little secret of yours. That's right, I know your filthy secret, your way of coping. If you have one, I can have mine as well. So let me cut myself. I think smoking causes just as much damage, if not more. I feel the disease growing in your lungs. I can hear you breathe when you are in close proximity and it disgusts me as well. I hate the sounds you make and a lot of the things you say and I don't want to hear your voice anymore.

I don't want to be home anymore. You're lucky the colleges I want to go to are too close to be worth a dorm and I don't want to pay off more loans than I have to just for a room, or else I'd be gone next year, even if I don't know how to function. I can't stand seeing you every day.

Maybe if you start seeing things from my side I'll start liking you better, but you made me realize that I don't have a voice, that you're either oblivious or just don't give a shit, and that I'm not worth it.

So fuck you.