[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I think you hit the nail on the head, it's like you're addicted to it. The thing with self harm is that it does give you feelings and affects that can provide you with temporary relief from anything going on, or just make you feel "good." Like a substance such as a drug, you can start to crave doing it, and want to do it more and more. Sometimes people DO do it for the pain as well.

If you're unsure about what's triggering it, you can keep a journal. In it, take note of the times you want to self harm by writing down the date and time, where you were, what was happening, and how you felt. You can write down how you dealt with the situation, like whether you self harmed or not. Then, when you're calmer, you can look back and notice patterns or events that may be causing you to want to self harm that you can try and solve or get advice on.

But, the thing with self harm is that no matter why it is pleasurable to you, is that it really isn't a good thing. Besides the fact that it becomes an addiction, you also have to worry about infection or hiding the injuries from those you don't want to know. It is also not a good way to cope, because in the end any problems you may have come back because you aren't solving them. Why not use an alternative to self harm? This is a link to a list of alternatives to self harm. There are even alternatives that give you sensations other than pain, so maybe you can try some of those out and see if they'll work for you.

Do you get any support for the mental disorders and thoughts you have? I think that you should talk to someone, both about the disorders and thoughts, but also for the self harm. They can give you new ways to cope besides self harm to help you quit, they can help solve any problems you may be going through, and they can just be someone to vent to. If you have a therapist or doctor, you can speak to them about this, but if not, there are other people you can go to, such as family members, teachers, coaches and club advisers, guidance counselors, school nurses, or religious leaders.

You can do this!

-Dez