[Celyn]

Hi Jonathon,

It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment which may be causing you to feel this way.

I’m not a professional, but I do not think you have bipolar. With bipolar, in general, the feelings of depression are more severe and the ‘ups’ are a lot more manic with a lot of energy, with no thought of consequences to potentially dangerous behaviour (e.g gambling, spending money, getting rid of things). From what you have described, it sounds like you may have depression. Depression doesn’t need to be feeling extremely low, but feeling low over some time. You will still have days where you feel ‘better’ and will be able to get more things done.

It’s good that you recognise how you are feeling and what to get help- that is the first step to recovery! Do you have an appointment booked to see your psychologist or are you waiting for your mom? If you are waiting, is it possible to see your school guidance counsellor in the meantime?

Depression can make you feel horrible and can cause you to ruminate on worrying thoughts or thoughts that make you upset. When you feel this way, try to write your feelings down and once they are down on paper, try not to dwell on them. It is hard, but from my experience, I felt worse thinking negatively and would get frustrated because being negative meant I did less work. It is ok to cry though- that is a healthy way of expressing emotion. Other way of expressing emotion would be drawing, or creating art that reflects how you feel.

Playing video games is a great way of distracting yourself. However, if you depend on it too much and it begins to interfere with your life or school work, it may be best to cut down and try to find other ways of distraction or get to the root of the problem. Do you have a daily routine? Scheduling in time to do school work, relax and do something you enjoy doing, as well as something you are good at, can help you manage your depression.

It’s ok to not know what you want in life. You are still quite young and many people feel the same way. Though I understand that this would add to the uncertainty you feel and make you anxious about the future, which would then lead you to feel depressed. I also like to think that there isn’t one single ‘cause’ to depression, sometimes, it’s more a case of things building up and finding it difficult to manage everything.

As for school, do you find anything in particular difficult? Could you talk to a teacher about it? If people become aware of how you feel, they may be able to help you so you won’t feel like you are alone dealing with everything.

I’m assuming your mom knows how you feel? This is great because when you are depressed, you really do need a good support network of friends and family to talk to.

Hope you get help soon