[Ennui.]

Hey,

I know you don't want to ask for help, but I think you should ask SOMEONE for support on this. You don't deserve to go through this alone, and there are people who truly care and would love to help you out with this. It doesn't have to be a friend. It can also be a teacher, guidance counselor, family member, or other trusted adult. They can help you identify triggers and give you ways to cope and stop self harming.

If you can, get rid of the blades or give them to a friend to hold on to. If that isn't an option, perhaps you can put the blades somewhere hard to get at, such as in a different room or underneath a lot of stuff? That way, when you get the urge you have to make the effort to get the blades and your urge may fade enough to where you can cope by the time you get it.

Try and find things to do with your hands so you aren't harming. For instance, you can carry a stress ball or other small toy. Pull it out when the urges get too strong so you can use that instead of self harming. Sometimes I tear up a piece of paper or "cut" it up instead of cutting on my body, or draw lines on my skin. Sometimes that can help.

This is a list of alternatives to self harm. They are healthier, safer ways to cope. It may also be useful because there are alternatives there that give sensations other than pain, or other sensory alternatives, which may be useful for you.

Perhaps you can use art, music, writing, or exercise to get out your emotions instead of self harming.

Of course, it is also important to identify what is triggering you and solve those problems so they don't keep returning and making it worse. Do you know what your triggers are? If you're not sure, one way to find out is to keep a journal. In it, write down your triggers by noting the date and time it happened, where you were, what was going on, and how you felt. Write down how you dealt with the situation as well. Later on, you can look through this journal and see if there's anything that may be triggering you that you can get advice on or solve.

You can do this!

-Dez