[crybaby]

Before anyone says anything, I am fully aware that I made a stupid decision and I'm beyond depressed. Its been a few months now since I last got my period. I went through a horrible break up and I was suicidal. I attempted suicide a few times. I was really depressed to the point that I resorted to drinking, smoking cigarretes and marijuana. I learned that your mental state can affect your hormonal balance and stuff like that so I didn't really care. Anyways, the break up happened when I was on vacation, when I got back home my ex and I talked. He threatened to beat me and forced unprotected sex upon me. It happened a few more times before i couldnt do it anymore. I cut all ties with him. So hes not in my life and theres no way he would help me in any way given the fact that he doesn't care about me. He is a minor if that does anything.. Anyways, I have never gotten any side effects that pregnant people would get. I never got sick, never thrown up besides from a night of heavy drinking but its been a few months. Recently I have found a new source of happiness, music as cheesy as it sounds and my sister and friends cheered me up and I'm a lot happier now. So Ive been expecting my period to get back on track... Which hasnt happened. I'm about to go to planned parenthood later on this week and consult a specialist. If i am pregnant, there is absolutely no way I could keep this child. I am Asian and as stereotypical this will sound, my parents are STRICT. They would kick me out and never bother giving me a second chance. Basically they would abandon me. I have little to no money at all. Im starting to save up for an abortion procedure. If i am pregnant, I don't know how far along I am given the fact that Ive never had side effects and my mental state. I am applying for a job at every place that is hiring in hopes of getting money for this procedure. If i am far along, I know the procedure will cost more. Would planned parenthood accept monthly payments? My grandparents will send me money to help me out but its only a limited amount. 200 at most. Is there a way I can get help with payment? If planned parenthood cant work with me with my money issue, I will take my own life without hesitation. I cannot bring a child into my life at this point in time. i am not mentally stable. There is no father figure for this child. I cannot give it up for adoption because in the end it will cost me more money for everything to be done. I cannot get help from my parents. They would rather see me suffer than help me out in a situation like this. Please if theres anything you know of that will help, please let me know. I am having an anxiety attack right now