[Ennui.]

Hey,

I think the first thing that you should be really proud of is that you want to quit. I think that the first step towards recovery is admitting that you have a problem and wanting to solve it.

Do you know what it is that is triggering you to want to self harm? Identifying your triggers could be important because this will help you get advice or solve the problems. One way to do this is through a journal. In it, take special note of the urges you have to self harm by writing down the date and time it happened, where you were, what was going on, and how you felt. You can even write down how you dealt with the situation. Then when you are calmer you can look through this again and see if you notice any patterns or events you can get advice on or try and solve.

You said that people are slowly finding out. How do they react, and is there anyone in this group of people that you think you could talk to about this, or anyone that you would consider telling for support? Talking to people can be really good because it can help you get things off you chest, and they can also help you cope and solve any problems that are going on. It's really worth it even though it is scary at first, and you definitely don't deserve to go through this alone. This is a list of people who can help. I am sure there are some people on this list that you can talk to, and they definitely care and they would love to help.

This is a list of alternatives to self harm. They are healthier and safer ways to cope. I know that you have tried things before, but maybe there are some things on this list that you haven't tried before that you may find useful in helping you resist the urges. Keep trying until you find some that work for you, because there definitely will be some that work for you!

Try and find ways to express yourself such as through writing, art, or music. Exercise is another way to release stress. At least with these outlets you will have a release of pent up emotions, and they will be released in a healthy and safe way. Try and find ways to relax as well. Maybe you can take a bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, paint your nails, eat your favorite goodies, use a nice lotion, or do your hair, for example. You deserve to take care of yourself and it can feel really nice.

If you think you can get rid of your tools or give them to a trusted person to hold onto, you can do that, but if not maybe you can put them somewhere difficult to get at, such as in a different room or somewhere you'll have to dig through things to get at them. That way, by the time you get your tools you may have lost the urges.

Stay strong and keep fighting! I know you can beat the urges!

-Dez