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Chai. Offline
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Name: Kay
Gender: Female

Posts: 2,630
Join Date: September 13th 2013

Re: difference in outlook and perspective ..resulting in conflict with my parents!! help please!!! - September 5th 2015, 01:01 PM

I haven't been in this situation, but being from the same country I know people who have been in this situation. I know the advice I might give is not what people here are going to give, but for now I think this will help. Especially because you have boards coming up and I don't want you to be stressed about family issues, when you should be concentrating on your studies. So, here..

Your dad... I know people like that. Maybe there was a reason why your dad gave up on playing the guitar or writing. Were your grandparents supportive or did he go through some problems at some point while pursuing these two. My dad had given up on one of his hobbies, later we found out that my grandmother would taunt him about it and he lost all interest in it and gave it up to avoid these taunts. You can't force your dad to take up his hobbies again nor can you force him to tell you why he gave it up. Questioning parents is like taboo in our society, so right now all you can do is convince you dad to try taking it up again. Maybe one a holiday tell him you'd like to hear him plan the guitar or maybe ask for his help on some creative writing homework from school. When my mother stopped writing for a while due to reasons, I'd pester her to help me with creative writing and essays and with that she was able to gain back her courage to write. It's not a fool proof plan, but it's worth giving a try.

Have you told your parents what you do on the internet? My parents proudly go around telling everyone that I deactivated my Facebook. Maybe when you are using the internet to search for something, you could call your parents and show them something interesting that you found. Some new destination or a good medical college. PS: Do not show music stuff because then you might again be lectured about wasting time. But showing something informative and interesting will make them realize you are not actually wasting your time on the internet. And I am sure your parents are aware that entrance exams involve general knowledge questions. So, you know what I am hinting at.

What you eat, when you shower and things like this are entirely your choice. You can't really follow a religion just because your parents want you to or ask you to. I know a couple of friends who are pretending to follow a religion but plan on converting as soon as they move out. You can either totally defy what your mother says, or like Ade said you can try patience. I follow a religion, though I don't follow all the blind faith involved. Maybe you could try convincing your mother that being religious is not the same as being superstitious. There are a lot of TV serials that are dealing with this. It is not going to be easy, it will probably take a lot of time, but it is not impossible. Some many people in the country are changing their views, it just shows that will patience you can get people to move forward and forget superstitions.

I never spoke to my mother about masturbation, not because she has wrong beliefs more because I am not comfortable. The whole issue regarding masturbation is as taboo as sex in the society. I understand you are annoyed at what your mother is saying, but when you look at it from her point of view she is just telling you what she was taught and made to understand. When you grow up believing in a certain belief your entire life, it is very hard to change it quickly. My mother was like that about homosexuality, but with time she has accepted it. I would just randomly read out articles related to the topic, or leave articles lying around the house for her to read. Telling her or explaining something to her might end up in an argument, but you can always try to get her to read something about masturbation being healthy.

This is another stereotypical notion in our country. Just because someone has feminine attributes does not make them a female, but people out here are not going to accept it. I know this again annoys you, but this is what a majority of the community things. You can't change this within minutes and you can't force your mother to like Harry Styles, but she never told you not to listen to his music. Why don't you just fan girl over him without getting your mother involved. I do that often. It's just not worth the arguments and the 'this is against our culture' lecture.

I agree with what Ade said, parents an live their dreams with you. You are actually lucky to have such a hand on mother who is there for you at every step. Both my parents are working and there are days in our house when we don't have time to talk to each other. You are actually lucky to have parents who invest so much time and effort in you and you should be glad about it. I know parents are not perfect and they make mistakes, but it's their first time being parents just like it is our first time being kids. They make mistakes, but they don't intend to make them. The best thing we can do it be patient, because in the end it's love and family that matters.

This got quite long. But seriously, if you ever need to talk/rant message me anytime. All the best with everything. <3

"Being happy isn't about having everything in your life perfect. Maybe it is about stringing together all the little things."

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