Hi all,
I used to be a member of teen help years ago (I'm not so much a teen anymore) but there is just so much going on in my head at the moment I didn't really know where to turn and this post relates to quite a few different things if I go into all the background of it so I will repost to various forums.
Basically, I'm with my partner of many years and thing haven't been good for a while. I used to smoke weed and drink a lot when I was younger. I was also a cigarette smoker when we met but gave up because he didn't like it and he flipped out when I had a cigarette at a party once. My partner had never tried weed until we got together an we were with a group of friends one night and I shared a spliff with a friend and he wanted to try it. Since then about 4 years has passed and after about the year we started buying a lot and my anxiety has got pretty bad an I'm trying to basically be a grown up and am not that interested anymore. He still wants to smoke at every opportunity just as though he is trying to make up for lost time. The problem is I cannot stand him when he smokes. He looks pale, ill an just looks gormless and pretty much like an idiot. He also becomes really selfish and annoying and I just hate it. He knows I hate it but all h ever wants to do when we get some time to ourselves is smoke and it make us lazy and not really ma the most most of the time we get on our own. Honestly, it's made him pretty selfish all around.
I really do love him and I can see a future with him it just seems that the are drifting further an further apart which kind of worries me as I currently live with him in his parents house.
I know I can be difficult at times and I'm sure he has to put up a lot with me. I've always suffered from depression ever since I was a child and sometimes get really angry for no real reason but I really think this is founded..
I other thing which I know I hypocritical is I really like taking coke but do it once in a blue moon and only ever when the opportunity arises. I never actively seeking it out. I know that this is something he has never tried but he is going on a stag night next year and I know he will en up trying it as it will be VERY available. (hypocrite I know) but I worried what will happen if he tries it. Weed makes him lie to me a lot - who know what coke will do
I also have the issue that I sometimes really miss being a lesbian.. I don't even kno how the two feelings are possible but they are! (you just can't made this stuff up!)
He knows I hate it but my willpower isn't great and I always join in to keep him happy bu he never not spoke to keep me happy and just gets so grumpy if he doesn't get to smoke.
Please help!!