[Age of Ignorance]

Originally Posted by Anglidash

Goodness knows how much help I'll be, but I can at least offer an outsider perspective.

Yes, we all know the main ways this can end and someone is going to get hurt. I take a class on the psychology of intimacy, and it was mentioned that the part of the brain responsible for "loving" and the "falling in love" bit are completely different. So, based on that I'd say yes, she probably can be in love with both of you (or falling in love with you).

It's always going to be painful and difficult when you connect with someone on this level who is unavailable. But things won't stay like this forever. The next step is either going to be initiated by you, or something else is going to happen to move this along. This state of just talking and connecting constantly is most likely not just going to stay like that in my opinion, and it sounds like you know that too. So...next step?

She's going to have to make a choice, and she needs to decide whether this is reason enough to leave her boyfriend. As she was saying she could see you as a couple, I think you could work from that. Depending on how you want to go with it, you could reiterate that she has a partner and it's not possible, or that you don't want a relationship with her. You could mention that if you both see a potential relationship, then what are you going to do about it- are you going to acknowledge it, and try and move past it for the sake of her relationship, or are you going to pursue it? Does she need to take time away from both of you, entirely, and then return to this situation when she realizes what she wants? She can desire two things, and I can empathize with that, but she can only have one in reality. She's been with this dude three years, that's a pretty big commitment.

Alternatively, leave the situation entirely before it gets too messy

You're absolutely right. And you've given me a different perspective than most (who will tell me "with friends like you, who needs enemies?"). I really appreciate it.

She has sort of distanced herself from me a little bit after talking to her cousin last night. Her cousin apparently helped her come to the conclusion that she needs to make a decision. And she's made it, apparently... she just needs to talk to her boyfriend first about "how distant she feels with him" and then she wants to see me ("just to see me"). I don't doubt that she has good intentions and she has a lot to tell me. Apparently her and her cousin did a pro/con list (never worked out for me before, it always ends incorrectly) "about her relationship with her boyfriend" and not necessarily about me. Don't get me wrong, some would say right now that she is clearly just going to see me to put me down easy, but it doesn't feel like that. I mean, she still talks to me every chance she gets. She still messages me. She still calls me fantastic and says I'm amazing and all of those cute, affectionate things... she just has a lot to do and she seems overwhelmed by the thoughts of it.

I'll keep this updated as things unfold, but that's all of the information I sort of have right now.