[Haunted]

I am not 100% sure this thread belongs here, but it's about family issues... feel free to move it if it's necessary. I'm sorry it's so long, but it's 2am and I'm going crazy. I've probably missed some parts too...

Long story short, I live in italy, but I've wanted to move to London since I was more or less 12 years old. I've always been quite open about that, but I guess my parents weren't taking me seriously, because, you know, I was only 12.
I am 19, legally an adult, and I am not in school anymore, but I still live with my parents, because I can't find a job, and yes, I still want to go live in London.
As I said, my parents never took my intention seriously, but both of them, especially my mother, said they want me to be happy. Let's say I have made up my mind in 2014, when the school year was about to finish and I decided to actually open up about my serious intention and... nothing. Yeah, the good old "if that's what makes you happy, then go for it" kind of support. It did feel kinda reassuring back then, I was still in school and I hadn't talked about it for a quite long time. But I have brought it up a few times lately and it seems like they just don't want to help me.
Just so you know, I don't know why I wanted to leave so badly when I was 12, but I know why I need to leave now. Except that I've never truly felt at home here, nor accepted, nor understood... I sometimes get the feeling I'm speaking to a wall when I'm speaking to my parents. I thought I should mention that when I think of my father, these two episodes come to mind: first, 10-year-old me, sitting in a chair, eating dinner and talking about I don't remember what, when I say something about my best friend I probably shouldn't have said, and my father saying that she hates her, she has a bad influence on me, she's a bitch; second, 16-year-old me, hospitalised for depression and self harm, just found out that my parents' lack of interest towards me is what caused my mental health issues, hearing him say how great my sister is and how I lack coordination and that I would be a great dancer if I had my sister's coordination.
Mainly, this place to me is just suffering: it's depression, anxiety, grieving, self harm... I could go on honestly. All I want is to strt again and to make my dreams come true.
My father's a bit more pragmatic, so when I told them I wanted to move, he just said "well, see how you can find a job and a house, how the health system works, etc...". My mother just went "I don't know how to help you". Well, I found a website where I can find a flatmate and another one for finding a job: turns out they don't trust the internet and that they want me to live with someone I know. Great, right?
I understand they're worried about my safety, I really do, but if I were to bring up this whole "I want to start again" thing, they'd call it BS and dismiss me with a "stop being so stubborn" - I am stubborn, and a lot of other not so pretty things, but you wouldn't believe how stubborn my father is. The only difference is that I know I am and I admit it, he just thinks he's always right.
Anyway, I've spoken to my music teacher about this (he got me talking about it, he knows what I've been through) and it triggered this anger that I can't contain anymore. I am so overwhelmed by feelings these days. I can't take any more. I'm still living in a place I hate, with people I don't exactly like. Also, I have this enormous fear that none of my dreams will come true, which makes my anxiety go crazy. I don't doubt my abilities, just so you know, but nothing good has ever happened to me, I really don't see why it should change. I'm mediocre and I am tired of being mediocre. I already feel like I have very few chances... I know I'll have half as many if I stay here and every day that goes by and I don't do anything is a nightmare and when I go to bed all I can think of is that I've wasted another day and the fact that my parents aren't helping me out of it isn't making it better. It's like suddenly they've gone full "we want you to be happy, but not like that" and I think I am starting to break. I know they want me to be safe, but my mother herself said it hurts her to know I'm unhappy here, but all they're both doing is trying to make me love this place instead of helping me find my way. They don't understand they're making it worse and I do not know how to deal with everything anymore. I will not sleep in the bed where I used to fucking cut myself, or in the house where my father's put me down, or my mother left me alone, in the same damn place where my friend has died. I will not live in the town where I have seen nothing but sorrow, not any more. I am fucking tired of it.