TeenHelp - View Single Post - Triggering: my parents don't want me to move?

Edit avatar · **Re: my parents don't want me to move? -** October 28th 2015, 02:55 AM

Hey, Serena!

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this, Serena. It saddens me to know all you've dealt with. Losing your friend and dealing with self-harm and depression issues among family issues... no wonder you want to start again. I understand why you'd want to now especially, not counting that you've wanted to live in London for years even before all these negative events. When you want something badly that you know will increase your happiness, it is impossible to fully let go of and you know what? You shouldn't have to. I've seen what a caring person you are simply based off your posts here. I want you to be happy but safe also.

Living with someone you don't even know via the internet is kind of risky but I know you want to go after your dreams. I understand both sides of this, both yours and your parents. You want to live in London and you are taking action to chase your dreams - admirable; your parents love you, want you to be happy but also safe - understandable and caring of them. Hopefully compromises can be met so all of you are content with the idea.

Would you be able to talk to your parents about this more in detail for possible compromises? Say, if you used the website to find a flatmate, do you have a way to get to know this person beforehand and have your parents ask whatever questions they may have to this person? I was going to suggest that you video chat with the person you plan to live with and ask for their permission if it'd be okay for your parents to talk to this person. You can clarify that the reason is because your parents want you to be safe therefore knowing who their daughter will be moving in with. I imagine a good, kind person would be understanding and comply to that. After all, they are willing to have someone they don't know move in with them so I bet they'd be willing to get to know that person's parents on a basic level.

Secondly, would your parents feel better if they could visit? Maybe you could arrange for them to visit every now and then if it isn't extremely costly so that they are able to check up and make sure you're okay for their own reassurance along with maintaining a relationship with you. You could also agree to call, video chat and text them everyday so they won't worry too much. They will always worry to a certain degree though because you're their child and you always will be. They love you and wanna help you be happy but safe too.

Is there anyone you know (friend, neighbor or family member) that may be going to a college in London that could accompany you and/or that you could live with? Do you know anyone who lives in London that you are close friends with here on TeenHelp? If so, you can reassure your parents that you have a friend in London who you might hang out and who would be around with for extra safety. They may not be okay with that since they don't trust the internet but it's just an idea since you'd already know this person fairly well even if not in person.

Being in a whole new environment with new people and new experiences could be really good for you or completely the opposite. You never know until you try. Living in London is something that you've wanted for a long time and you believe you'll be happier there. Since you do, I say go for it. You could always move back if you aren't happy there or if anything prevents you from settling in. You're stubborn but you're persistent in pursuing your dreams. This might take time in having your parents adjust and helping them become okay with the idea. They'll need time but don't give up. Let them know you really want this and would really appreciate their assistance and support. Ask if they have any ideas on helping you with settling in somewhere in London. You are doing so well in terms of communication so keep that up. Let them know your feelings and don't be afraid to ask them for help.

Not sure if this was helpful but I hope it was. I hope you are able to find a place to move to and are able to pursue your dreams with the support of your parents while remaining close to them in regards to your relationship with them. I wish you the best of luck. Chase your dreams and happiness, Serena. Nothing worth it is easy so try not to be discouraged even if it takes longer than expected. Focus on how great it will be when you are able to experience London. You can do this.