[Celyn]

Hey there,

You don’t need to apologise about your post being all over the place. I’m really glad that you were able to get your thoughts and feelings out and that it helped you to vent.

I do think that you are right in thinking that E, who you feel very close to, having suicidal thoughts, that turned out to not be so true, triggered you. It can be very scary when someone we are close to, tells us that they have suicidal thoughts, and obviously it is very confusing when you don’t know if they are being serious. While we can’t control what others say or do, we can try to manage our own emotions.

After being triggered, you relapsed by self-harming. It also sounds like as the day went on, you felt more anxious and probably felt that you were spiralling out of control, leading to panic attacks and being hospitalised. What do you think you could do to prevent this from happening again? Perhaps, instead of self-harming, you could try to find healthier coping techniques. You could try to tell someone, such as a trusted adult, that E was having suicidal thoughts and let them deal with it, rather than getting caught up in the situation. If it turned out E really was having thoughts, you can be proud of yourself for helping him. And if it turns out that E wasn’t really suicidal, hopefully, he can still get help for why he feels the need to say those things. Either way, it’s good to try not to get caught up in the situation. At the same time, it’s important for you to get help too. When you started to make small cuts on yourself, you could also talk to someone about the fact that you had started relapsing. This can help to prevent it from getting worse. As for the anxiety attack, sometimes it can help to go somewhere quieter, have a drink of water and practise some breathing techniques. Try to breathe deeply from your abdomen in for 3 seconds, and out for 3 seconds. You can also try pacing or walking slowly to help calm you down.

Your boyfriend, J, seems like he is quite understanding of the situation. The fact that he is getting called names, isn’t your fault. The people calling him those names are at fault, not you or your boyfriend. As for E, lying about suicidal thoughts is very insensitive and I totally understand how confused you are, not knowing what to believe. You are not a bitch at all. However, lying about these things can also signal that E needs help to understand and manage his behaviour so that he doesn’t have to lie so much. Perhaps you and J could try to talk to E and say that you are worried about his behaviour (try not to blame him as that could just end up with an argument) and suggest that he gets professional help. Also, are you having any help for yourself, such as counselling, I wonder?

Hope this helps a bit