[Celyn]

I'm not sure how helpful this is going to be, given that I have the same problems, but thought I'd share my thoughts anyway, and hope others can help you (and perhaps me!) out too

I can really relate to finding it difficult if you only meet up once a month. I know that regular practice lessens anxiety, but if the book group is once a month, then I understand why you would still feel anxious. It is really good that you look forward to it though. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but are you friends with anyone from your book group on social media? What helped me over that hurdle, was talking to my friend on social media...I find that if I went a while without talking to someone, and then am expected to meet up with them, it can be more awkward. But being able to have 'regular' conversations online, especially if you can bond over something, can make it feel more relaxing (or at least for me it worked).

I'm similar in that takes me a while to feel like a friend, and it usually involves me opening up to the other person after a while about something personal. I don't think there is much wrong with this, but I do understand how it can impact your social life.

I'm also wondering whether it's group settings you find it more difficult to socialise in, rather than one on one? I never seem to know my place in a group, so I sit back and don't say much. If this might be the case, is it possible to find a way to talk to one person from the group and get to know them a bit more? You could even alternate it if you like, and try to talk to each one, each month or something.

I think it's important to remember that we aren't mind readers. Some people may judge us, but it shouldn't show in how they treat us. If it does, then it says more about them than you. Most of the time though, people aren't judging you as they may be more concerned about themselves rather than what someone else is saying, doing or looking like.

It's definitely an achievement that you have stopped feeling anxious before getting to the person's house! I also think its a good topic to bring up with your psychiatrist too, who I hope will be able to help you more.