[Kate*]

What if? Just what if it never works out for me? I don't know of anyone over 60 who actually succeeded with it, but I know of at least one suicide. My guess is that people figure out what I already know and give up. I see that and all the people struggling with it and wonder what the point is given that I've already lost so much.

I don't want to use you for this, but you might be getting an update soon anyway. It wasn't the decision, it was the process and what it left me with which wasn't really your fault.

What part of I can't do that because I have a disability do you not understand?!

I have no idea why it wasn't refrigerated like it's always been before. Hopefully it's still safe because I have to use it. From what I can find it will be.

Ambition to do everything, capable of and qualified for nothing. This is fun, not. If I could get paid to do that somehow, it would probably be my best option, but i rarely happens and I can't have what commonly happens. If that were possible that would be cool too, but I don't see that either. Of course I can't have what I could see so clearly for over a decade, so who knows.

People who say shit like that are allowed in and I'm not?! What the fuck?! is all I can say. Am I worse than those people for not making it that far, or better because I refused to be fake? Unlike them, I actually cared, but it doesn't matter because I still can't do it.