I guess its just I generally see rape depicted as something painful and even torturous.
That's why I feel uncomfortable with the term rape. Maybe its inappropriate.or misconduct? That I feel better with saying tbh.
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Originally Posted by Celyn
Hey there,
Abuse and rape doesn't always have to be forceful, violent or painful. Some people who abuse may come across as very pleasant people, and may be able to manipulate the situation so that it feels like you are consenting, even if you can't legally.
The other aspect would be that you enjoyed it. There's nothing wrong with that because sometimes during abuse, our bodies can still get aroused and we can still find it pleasurable. Not only that but you trusted this man, and felt that he was there for you when no-one else was. You depended on him. And this can make what happened more confusing because you liked this person a lot, and enjoyed the sexual aspect of what happened.
But at the same time, it does count as rape/abuse/assault/molestation.
At his age, and given how vulnerable you are, he should never have tried to be sexual with you. He took advantage of the situation, how vulnerable you were and how much you liked him for his own sexual gratification. It doesn't matter if you liked the physical feeling or not, or how much you liked this person, he did still take advantage of you.
The guilt that you have may be partly the man's fault, but I do understand that it conflicts with your religious beliefs. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with liking anal sex and liking women. You're still young and sexuality can change over time. Whatever happens, try not to feel bad about who you are, because there's no need to. And as Kaveri said, you don't need to label yourself either.
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