Thread: Triggering (Abuse): questions about male rape victims
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Celyn Offline
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Re: questions about male rape victims - January 9th 2017, 12:18 PM

In general, raped or not, I believe that if you say 'no' to sex, the other person shouldn't start trying to convince you. I understand that if one person is aroused, it may be difficult for them to accept 'no' but they should still respect the fact that you don't want to have sex at this time. At the same time, I do understand why you would freak out if similar phrases were used, and why you may be more inclined to say 'yes' just because it feels like you are consenting and still in control, even though deep down, you are unsure. I do believe though that it wont always be this way for you as you should be comfortable enough with someone to say 'no' and them to respect that and not rape you.

I am sorry to hear that this guy was raped as a child by an older man. I know of someone who was also in a similar situation, but I'm not too sure on the effects. I'd assume that all rape victims whether male or female have similar symptoms after a rape- they may feel guilty, they may have triggers, find it difficult to trust etc. I have heard that some rape victims may question their sexuality too, especially if the rapist was the same sex as the victim and if they found themselves aroused during the rape. This may affect their sex life and may cause sexual dysfunction, though at that same time its worth remembering that everyone reacts to rape differently so this may or may not be the case for many rape survivors regardless of gender. Loss of erection can be for many reasons, so it may be difficult to say for sure whether that's linked to past rape (thought it can be).

Given that the guy was raped when he was a child, if he didn't receive any help afterwards, it may have affected how he views men and women, how he thinks men and women should behave and be treated (especially when it comes to sex). However, if this guy is the same or similar age as you, he should've learnt by now to respect someone's boundaries.

It's understandable that you would want to try to make sense of the situation and it's good that you want to try to understand the effects of rape on males. I'm wondering if you think it would be worth talking to the guy about how he thinks his past has affected him, and whether he has received any counselling? Also, it might be worth looking into help groups and websites for male survivors of rape, whether for the guy or for yourself to learn more about the effects on males.


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