[hocus pocus]

You asked why you love doing things you hate. Self-harm releases chemicals in the brain that give you a temporary high. These chemicals do dissipate, which fuels your urge to do it again. Part of you may dislike hitting yourself, but the other part gets a high from it so that is probably why you want to do it.

What you are doing is self-harm. Self-harm is anything you do with the intention of harming yourself, though self-harm can also be done when someone isn't aware they're doing it. Self-harm does commonly include cutting and burning, but there are other ways people harm themselves as well. Here is a resource titled, "Is this self-harm?" You may find it beneficial.

I think you would benefit from finding alternatives you can do instead of harming yourself. For example, you can practice deep breathing, take a walk, spend time with your friends, or work on a puzzle. This thread has many more ideas that you can try. It sometimes takes time to find alternatives; different alternatives work for different people, so don't get discouraged.

I don't know why you hate yourself. Perhaps particular life event(s) have made you struggle with your self-esteem, or perhaps you struggle with perfectionism and have difficulty being kind to yourself when you aren't good enough in your eyes. You won't hate yourself forever, though. Things will improve. Maybe you can try some self-esteem exercises, such as thought re-framing. Try to be more aware of your thoughts, and when you notice a negative one, turn it around into a positive one.