[Celyn]

I have had similar issues when talking to others and feeling anxious, before and after as well as the anxiety attacks and slow processing speed. Not sure what to suggest for the latter, but I think it can help to remember that even though we might worry about our 'mistakes' it's likely that the other person hasn't noticed. Also, try to distract yourself rather than continuing with the anxious thoughts since it may only make you feel worse.

I think that given the trauma of not relating to others, and being quiet, that it's understandable in conversations you would get anxious, which in turn makes you have a slight stutter. However, it is really good that you are working on it though and putting yourself into these situations, even if they don't go so well- it's still a positive step forward!

Anxiety can definitely leave us worrying about getting rejected, and there can be a lot of physical responses with anxiety as well. These things can affect socialising and decision making, since our minds are usually busy worrying about all the physical symptoms and anxiety, that we aren't able to pay attention to the conversation or make clear decisions. I'm not sure if it will help you but I try to avoid making decisions when anxious, and instead try to make a note of anything important that was discussed in the conversation (times, dates, places, names etc) so I can come back to it when I feel more calm and collected.

It's good that your strategy is to stay in a group setting when it comes to men you don't know well, especially if you feel scared. But it can be difficult when someone is persistent and you go along with it, rather than sticking by your rule of being in a group. If you feel really unsafe, maybe you can come up with an excuse to leave the situation? Not all men are going to hurt you, but it can be good to make sure that whoever you are with, you trust and feel safe. If not, then you can try to casually leave the situation or make sure that you are in a public area with other people around to help make you feel safe when you can't be in a group.

Most of all though, keep practicing. Like with many things, it can get easier, the more you practice social skills. But if you have a difficult day, and get anxious a lot, remember that it's okay to feel this way, and try not to be harsh on yourself.