Hi Jess,
I'm sorry to hear about this. It sounds like you're in difficult position and having a hard time with this guy.
Firstly, it seems to me that your boyfriend wants a type of relationship you are not comfortable with or into. He's obviously very keen on the idea of having an open relationship, whereas it seems to me that you would prefer an exclusive relationship. My response to that kind of situation would normally be to talk about it and see if there is a compromise you can both be happy with, or to perhaps see if one of you would be willing to try out the other's preference and see how you both feel after a certain period of time. HOWEVER, I think this case is different. Your boyfriend has not only communicated that he wants an open relationship, but he seems to simply expect that you will comply with this request/desire and that he can completely set all the rules and boundaries. That's not how healthy relationships work. It sounds to me like this guy is trying to or perhaps already has set up an unequal and unhealthy relationship here. You should have as much say as he does in how your relationship works and what you do together, and he should respect that. But organising a threesome for you before you've actually said that's what you want and telling you you can only sleep with other girls if you were to open up your relationship doesn't suggest that. If I were you, I would end the relationship here, as it doesn't sound like this relationship is healthy, but I don't want to tell you what to do, so if you chose to stay with him, I would talk to him about this. Be VERY firm. Make it clear to him that it is up to you what you do with your body and that if you don't want a threesome that is a choice he needs to respect, and if he says he can't, then you need to walk away as that's not fair on you at all.
In terms of the insults and his behaviour towards your friend, again, you are right. It's totally not on. I'm not saying it's a crime to find other people attractive when you have a partner, but constantly talking about how attractive you find another person (especially their friend) in front of your partner is obviously going to make them feel insecure and it's totally unfair to them. Especially if you are talking about that instead of a serious problem they've just opened up to you about. Calling you fat and telling you to work out is again, a big red flag in my book. You should never want to change your partner. You deserve some one who loves you as you are, because however you may feel right now, you're an amazing person with lots of wonderful qualities and you are worthy of love. Wanting to help your partner to make positive changes in their life is great, I think if anything that's a sign of a good relationship. But putting you down and trying to force you to change something about yourself that you don't want to for his own gain and to satisfy his own needs and wants is completely different. It seems to me that this guy is having quite a negative impact on your self esteem. Personally, I think this is the begining of an abusive relationship and I think you'd be best getting out of it. But if you do decide to stick around, again, it's time to tell him very firmly that this stops now and that it's not okay.
In terms of him wanting an open relationship and you preferring exclusivity - neither of you are wrong. Whilst personally I agree with your thoughts, other people have different opinions and want different things. Open relationships can and do work, but only if its something both parties want and if there's rules and boundaries that are mutually agreed upon. So its totally okay for him to want an open relationship, but what's not okay is trying to force you into one. That and the insults and lack of consideration for any difficulties you're experiencing right now.
If I were you, I'd get out and find someone that treats you that way you deserve to be treated. But if you decide to stay, I think you need to be very direct and firm about what changes and what stops in this relationship right now. Give him an ultimatum if you want to.
But most of all, remember, you matter, you're worthy, and you deserve to have a partner that treats you with respect and brings you happiness.
Good luck.
Message me if you need anything.
Honey
