I want to thank you for the response. I apologize for taking so long to reply but I have been busy. My thoughts of self harm have decreased. I think it's partially due to getting a schedule and realizing that, for now, the work and life isn't as stressful as I was imagining. I have a huge fear of the unknown and I am pretty sure that's what was causing the thoughts.

I'm glad it's passed but I know it might become an issue as training begins and things like that. All I can do is take it one day at a time. I also know I won't self harm unless I can do it in an extreme way. I know that's not good, per se, but it will prevent me from self harming because doing more dage takes a lot of work. It's a bit of a blessing and a curse because I'll be safe from relapse this way.

I just wish the thoughts would go away forever but I know I'll always have urges pop up periodically. I just have more tools to cope. This recent post was made during a time when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and needed to vent.

Anyway, thank you for responding. It means a lot and I hope you are well.