[Nessie2]

Hey, everyone.

So now, I am 16 years old, and I just finished writing my first semester exams for 11th grade. While I'm confident that I did well and whatnot and my marks are splendid, I still have lots of concerns. Specifically with my immediate family. And it's tilting me off the face of the planet.

I criticize myself for my mistakes. A lot. I also rumour that, on top of my autism spectrum disorder that I was diagnosed with at the age of 2, I have a wide range of other mental issues. However, every time I try to mention feeling really down and out to my parents, I'll always be defeated by their toxic ideology - 'nothing is wrong with you, don't be so ridiculous'. Not to mention that the wait time for mental resources in my county is almost a full year's worth of time on average, so, I can't get help for my issues in the first place! Also, whenever I make what I view to be a valid criticism of my actions, whether it be minor like failing to prepare food correctly or a little more major such as my grades, both parents get angry with me, and claim that I'm being nothing but 'negative and demanding of pity'. Yet, I don't understand. I don't feel like I get enough attention, sure, but... pity? Really? Just recently, when I stated that I didn't know what I was good at (I haven't decided on career options, while everyone else in the house except for my baby brother has), my stepmother lunged very close to me, pointed her finger in my face, and said "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! NOW YOU GO DOWN TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE SAID BEFORE YOU COME AND SEE ME AGAIN." I don't know what to say; my parents are not assisting and upholding me. Isn't that what they're supposed to be here for?

So, while I worry about my future incessantly, and not sure who I can talk to about career choices, I'm also on the very verge of running away from home for a few days. If one more branch breaks, it's the final straw - I'm packing my bags and getting the fuck out of that house. I don't care what happens, I'm fed up with this.