[Celyn]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. I can relate a lot as I've always been either in a one-to-one friendship, tagging along outside of a group or included in a group that eventually lost contact. It's completely understandable that you would start to wonder what's 'wrong' with you when it comes to making and maintaining friends. Even though it doesn't feel like it, I want to reassure you that there's nothing necessarily 'wrong' with you.

Unfortunately, some people tend not to keep in touch much with those they went to university with, once they have graduated. I understand that it's still bound to make you feel left out but you can be assured it might not be personal. It's also really good that you have filled your time with hobbies and you have your family. Are your hobbies something you do by yourself or is there a way you can make friends through your hobbies? Sometimes it can be easier to make friends with those that you have similar interests with. The other thing I want to mention, and I know it's easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself to others. It's understandable that when you look around and notice others having lots of friends that you would feel sad and even jealous. You are worthy and likeable and it sounds like you'd be a good friend to many. You will find your own friends, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I'm also sorry to hear about the break up with your boyfriend. It sounds like it happened for the right reasons though- you deserve someone who actively chooses you and not someone who is just staying with you out of convenience. It makes sense that since this split, you'd feel disappointed that you haven't had any interest since. It's good that you have been trying to put yourself out there in terms of dating apps. However, with dating apps comes a lot of uncertainty regarding other people who use them and though it may seem like an easier way to meet people, it can also be time consuming and disheartening when it doesn't work out. I notice that you mention you get few messages and I'm wondering if you initiate much? Sometimes it can help to take the first step and message other people and see if they get back to you. Everyone has things they are good at or traits that others like about them, as well as everyone has their own flaws and things to work on. While you have compared yourself to traits that you feel you aren't good enough in, I'm very sure that you equally have plenty of good things about yourself. Maybe it might help to focus on your positive qualities, rather than comparing yourself to others? You aren't boring or stupid and I'm sure you'll meet a special someone who feels that you too are special to them. In the meantime, try to be your own best friend and treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Challenge those thoughts by making them less negative. You wouldn't treat a friend or partner this way, so why treat yourself as less than?

Even with your health, hobbies and other things, it makes sense that you'd still feel lonely. You might feel that you are unworthy and unwanted, but you aren't. You also don't need to change yourself to fit in either. You just haven't met the right people yet

How would you feel about talking to a professional (doctor or counsellor) about your loneliness and struggles with friendship? If it's been affecting your life a lot for a while, it's worth seeking out help. There might not be anything 'wrong' but it could be worth exploring to see if there are any underlying issues (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, or autism for example) where you could benefit from treatment. Regardless, it's always worth talking about things that affect us!