[Ennui.]

I've been seeing a lot of doctors lately for a lot of different things, and none of them are really giving me any answers. It started last fall and has been a nonstop issue ever since.

Some of my providers have been concerned about my tachycardia, or too fast heart rate. I saw a cardiologist who had me on a monitor and said it's all anxiety, so I'm on a new medication that lowers the heart rate and also can have added benefits of helping me with my anxiety and helping prevent some of my migraines. Apparently I've been tachycardia since 2011 though?

I recently saw an endocrinologist who I thought was pretty good. She wasn't concerned about the fact that I had high thyroid levels and wasn't convinced that I had hypothyroidism. She looked at my prolactin levels and wanted them retested because I either had a prolactinoma, which is a benign tumor on the pituitary gland that makes it spit out too much hormone which is causing my menstrual issues, or it's just that my body isn't tolerating my birth control well and I need an IUD because I'm currently on the highest level of hormones in my birth control pill they give to people of reproductive age

Well, my hormone levels are normal so, based on what she told me, I needed an IUD. So I called my gynecologist and she doesn't think that the IUD is right for me. Besides the difficulty she'd have inserting the IUD due to vaginismus, the birth control pill helps me regulate my moods at least a little bit so while I'm still a mess during my period, I'm not as much of one. She also said she's not concerned about my hormone levels. So, contradiction number 1.

I also saw a new medication person to hopefully manage my medication better. She requires bloodwork of all new patients to rule out any medical issues, which is fine with me. I appreciate that because it means she's being thorough. I showed her my previous bloodwork including my thyroid levels and she literally said "That's bullshit. You totally have hypothyroidism." She said my endocrinologist and other doctors aren't treating me right and aren't listening to me just because I'm young. She wants me to see a new endocrinologist and she called the office on the spot to say she wants me seen soon. So, contradiction number 2.She also ordered the routine bloodwork to recheck my thyroid levels and other stuff. The bloodwork bruised like a mofo, lol. Here's hoping it's worth it, but I have my doubts at this point.

One of my favorite professors thinks a lot of what I'm doing is self-induced and that maybe a part of me "wants" to be sick, and that really hurts. I understand that besides my migraines still being there and my menstrual issues a lot of my symptoms subsided over the summer, but they weren't gone completely. I hate that people are calling me crazy or thinking nothing is wrong with me. I'm not crazy, am I?

I don't know what to do with all these contradictions though! How do I handle it when the advice doctors give me contradicts each other? I don't know where to go from here.