[Latte]

So a lot of women struggle to orgasm during penetrative intercourse. Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm - the stats on this tend to vary, but it's something like 75% to 90% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

It also might be that she has some sort of health condition that interferes with her libido or her ability to feel sexually stimulated (e.g.depression, anxiety, some physical health conditions, some medications). It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't enjoy sex, just that becoming aroused or reaching a climax might be something more of a process for her.

So heres a few things:

1) most women take up to 20 minutes OR LONGER to have orgasms. If she's been struggling to achieve this on her own but getting frustrated after only 10 minutes, she might just need to wait.

2) anxiety or frustration about not having an orgasm on her own might be inhibiting her orgasm, and I would recommend that she looks into reading a book like Better Sex Through Mindfulness which gives a lot of helpful strategies that can help improve her sexual experiences. Another good book is Come As You Are. Both books will go through things about sexuality, women's experiences of it, how to overcome perceptions, barriers, etc.

3) If she's experienced sexual trauma, intimate partner abuse, or if the experience of not being able to orgasm is causing her stress or anxiety, I would absolutely recommend that she addresses this with a therapist qualified to be a sex therapist (many universities provide training on sex therapy and this can be addressed individually or wth couples, and she should also make sure the person specializes in any related issues (e.g. trauma, anxiety).

4) If she's only trying to masturbate internally and/or with her fingers, I would just like to put it out there that there are.... many other ways to do this? I won't get into specifics, but it might just be that she hasn't felt like she can try other options, but it might just be that her body likes vibration or something

5) Finally, this is for you, don't let it hurt your ego. It can be really hard to have a partner whose struggling to orgasm, it might make you feel like you're doing something wrong, but that's not the case at all. Of course, you can totally try things with her in having penetrative sex or oral sex in different ways, but ultimately, try not to take on the burden on her struggles. It might actually make it harder for her if she's now crushed because she feels like she is letting you down too. Just remember that it sounds like this was a challenge for her before you showed up and it's not your "job" to fix it or be the god who can get her to orgasm, you can simply support her and show her tools that might help her.