[Ennui.]

Hi,

Honestly, I know it is scary, but it sounds like you are currently being abused by your boyfriend. Even if he is mentally ill, threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves is a manipulation tactic and actually a sign of abuse. It is absolutely not your responsibility for being the reason someone lives. If anything, when you break up with him you can let him know that you are concerned for his safety and you want to make sure that he gets help and suggest he talks to someone like a therapist or doctor. If you think that he is at risk of immediately harming himself you can call someone to ensure his safety, but you do not have to stay until he gets one or until he decides to help himself. Your mental health and safety are just as important, and you have every right to leave and not be abused. I also wouldn't go back and forth either, meaning that when you end the relationship you are out for good and don't come back if he pleads.

Another sign that you definitely should consider ending the relationship is the struggle you are having with intimacy and the fact that you said you almost don't love him anymore. You have your whole life ahead of you and shouldn't be with someone you don't love, and someone who will break up with you without warning for another girl.

So, honestly I would get out of this relationship. What he decides to do after is up to him. Again, call 911 or someone in his family if you think he will harm himself, but you do not deserve have something this serious held over your head. After you end the relationship it may help if you have someone to talk to as well. As I said before, it sounds like you are going through some abuse and are in a difficult patch in general, so having someone to talk to can really help you process things.

I really hope you are safe and get through this.

Take care,
Dez