[Ennui.]

Hey,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. You do not deserve any of it. Remember that you are loved.

You said your dad said he believes you but does nothing about it. Have you told him exactly what you need? Maybe you can tell him in person or write him a letter and explain some of what you need that way, and why it is important to you. You also mentioned you have spoken to your therapists before and nothing has been done. Have your therapists sat down with your parents and spoken to them about what's going on too? Maybe they'll be more inclined to believe a therapist when they say that what you're doing isn't mutilating your body.

I know you're only turning 17, but remember that when you turn 18 you can do whatever you feel like you need to and your parents can't stop you, whether that's getting a gender therapist, starting T, or anything else.

University tends to be more open and accepting. A lot of them, at least in the US, have LGBTQ+ related clubs and organizations that you can join for support and just for fun and to meet people who are like you. It's worth a try!

Don't be ashamed about your past attempts either. Those are well, in the past, and you can only move forward from here. I know you said that your life was hell after you told your doctor, but if you think that you are at risk of attempting again, I'd talk to your doctor about what is going on. They'd have to tell your parents since you are a minor, but it's worth it to keep you safe.

Perhaps you can also check out some of our resources to get additional support on this topic, or look through our articles to see if anything there can help you out. It may help to give you more information.

I don't know if anything I said helps, but I just wanted to let you know that you are cared about.

Take care,
Dez