[Ennui.]

Hey,

I think it's good that you recognize some of the things going on in your life are problems. That's the first step towards changing them!

Do you think that you can use a child block or similar software to limit your ability to view porn? Most computers come with some form of a child block, and there are also programs you can use to block specific types of websites from coming up on your browser. Of course, with child blocks you'd still know the password if you're the one setting it, but when the password screen comes up it might serve as a reminder that you are looking to reduce the amount of time you masturbate and watch porn.

I think the important part about some of your fantasies is whether or not you'd act on them. Would you act on the fantasy of harming a woman, for example? If not, that's a good sign and something to remind yourself of. It means you're able to separate fantasies from reality. It doesn't mean you don't have morals or anything like that.

Do you think you could get professional help for your addiction to porn and masturbation? It sounds like you masturbate to the point of physical harm and are worried about some of the fantasies you have, and a therapist may be able to help guide you through some of what is going on and give you better coping mechanisms.

It may also help to find something to do when you have the urge to masturbate or watch porn. For example, release some of the energy in the form of exercise such as lifting weights or going for a walk or run. It gets out some of the things that are pent up inside of you. You can even distract yourself with something such as video games.

I don't think you're lazy though, I think you're depressed. Depressed and lazy aren't the same thing. When we get depressed we get more irritable too, which may be why you are yelling at pets. Try and find healthy outlets for what you're going through. For example, you can write in a journal or blog, do art, exercise, play or listen to music, or something else.

There's a suicide/crisis hotline if you live in the United States, 988. If you are in a crisis or thinking about suicide, you can call this number and they will talk through what's going on and help get you to a better place.