[Ennui.]

Hey,

I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

You're right, the world is confusing. I'll never deny that. But there are some pretty cool parts too. Concerts, the different seasons, playing video games, going on "adventures (even to the gas station!)." There's a ton of things out there that are worth it. Thisis a list of reasons to live, so there are even more ideas on here.

My therapist always tells me to find things to look forward to. It can be a new game, book, movie, or season of a TV show being released. You can look forward to seeing the leaves turn orange in the fall, if you live in a climate where that happens. You can look forward to visiting with a friend, summer vacation, or many other things. It gets you excited for a while. Also create goals for yourself that are achievable, even short-term goals. You can make a goal to start making your bed every day, to learn a new language, skill, or hobby, a goal to finish a puzzle, or anything really. Just make sure it's achievable. It gives you something to be proud of, and then you can build on that goal or create an entirely new goal.

I'm sorry you don't get support from your parents. Mine don't really understand mental illness either and it took me getting hospitalized as an adult for them to finally realize how serious this is. Does your school have a guidance counselor? They can be supportive of what you're going through. In the US, they would have to tell an adult if they think you are at risk of self harm or suicide, but other things can be kept confidential. They can even talk to your parents for you, if you think it would help. Sometimes having another adult talk to them can make them realize how serious this is. If not, the guidance counselor can be supportive of you anyway. You can also talk to a teacher, friend's parents, adult family member like an aunt, uncle, or adult cousin, religious leader, or another adult in your life who you trust. I found that I had to seek support outside of the home to get my needs met.

Do you think they'd be receptive to doing some of those things again? Maybe you can cook them a meal and say you want to sit down and eat it together. Or, you can bring out a game that they like and say you want to play it with them as a family. I know it sucks to have to be the one to initiate, but maybe they'd be receptive.

Remember that depression is not your fault. It's caused by a combination of things, such as things that are going on in our lives but also chemical imbalances in the brain. You can't help how your brain is wired.

I hope you feel better soon.

Take care,
Dez