[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

It sounds like you're going through a lot right now.

I think you should remind yourself of the good things that happened. If good things happened before, they're bound to happen again! My therapist has told me to find things to look forward to as well, even if it's just something like the release of a new movie or going to your favorite location. Basically like "I can't kill myself yet or I won't get to experience -x-." And then when that thing happens, you think of something else to look forward to.

I wonder if DBT therapy would help you. It does involve a lot of work but it seems like it would teach you some skills like opposite action that might be able to help you get out of this rut and start putting in work towards your goals.

In the US, getting your GED is an option. Basically if you drop out of school, you can get a GED that is basically the equivalent of finishing high school. There are online programs for this too if you're nervous about going in-person. This might be an easier option to continue your education, if there's something similar in England.

Do you think your close IRL friend can introduce you to some of their friends? That friend would be there for the interaction which may take a lot of pressure off because that friend can kind of moderate things.

I'm not sure what your childhood goals were, but maybe you can try to invent some things to heal your inner child. There's nothing saying you can't do "childish" things as long as you're not hurting anyone.

I hope things look up for you soon.

Take care,
Dez