[Face Up.]

It tells me that your dad loves you a lot because he took out the loan. My mom took out a parent loan for me too. Student debt is very common in the US.
Maybe you can try to apply for a job on your college campus as a student worker, or a job near campus? For example, we had student workers in the student center food court and also at our bookstore, amongst other jobs. Then near campus there were different fast food restaurants and retail places. They're not always the most ideal jobs, but they can help you to pay back your dad. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you paid him back in installments over time versus all at once.

You might even be able to make friends at school! You'd be able to talk to people in your classes and also join clubs and social groups on campus. At least that way you'd have something in common with them which can be a way to start up a conversation. I bet you're not a bad person like you say you are. Sure, everyone has their flaws, but I can tell just by how you are reacting to your parents' debt that you do care about people a lot, which is great! You might also find hobbies at college that motivate you to get out of the house, instead of being "lazy."

I'm also bad at standing up for myself. I try to remind myself that I deserve better than that, but it does take time.