[Face Up.]

Hey,

This is definitely a tough situation to be in.

I want to start out by saying that no matter what happens, don't force yourself to have sex with him if you don't feel ready. You don't want to regret having sex with him (or anyone) when you're not actually ready. Also, if you're ever in a situation where you're having sex and then change your mind, you are still able to say no and stop at any time.

Have you considered trying to start slow? I can't get graphic here but maybe you can start with making out, foreplay, or just touching without any penetrative sex. What I mean is that you don't have to go from zero to full on sex when you're still unsure.

I'd also remind yourself that things seem to be working well with your boyfriend, you're safe, and you trust him. You are not a bad person for wanting to have sex, it makes you human. Since hygiene/smell are a worry for you maybe you can also start by showering before you try having sex, but remember that unless there's something going on like an infection, vaginas still aren't meant to smell like roses. They smell like, well, vaginas, and I bet your vagina/vulva look fine too, again barring any diagnosed medical problems. Everyone looks a little unique, but there's likely nothing wrong with it.

I hope this helps a little!

Take care,
Dez